by Robert Wilkinson
I’ve always felt that we take a lot of our curious reality more seriously than we need to. And though I've had my share of ups and downs (like we all have), I also believe that there’s nothing so serious here on Earth that it warrants us being in a non-loving state. We can’t like everything, but we must learn to love our life and the experiences the best we’re able. Since we like pleasure and avoid pain, sometimes it's hard when we have difficult experiences to see what they're helping us to learn. Since the planets in our charts symbolize people in our lives, it is easy to see how as we transmute the negative forms of our planets we change the types of relationships we attract. The element of change itself becomes both a driving force in our shifting ways of being with others and a medium through which we can learn when the challenges and breakthroughs are coming, and by that knowledge we can come out of fear and confusion.
It’s helpful to remember that since change pervades everything, there’s nothing more senseless than getting stuck in an attachment to something or someone that’s already gone. Once something has left our life it is gone, and there is nothing we can do but bless the passage. Even worse, many times people get stuck in an attachment to a bad attitude, which if held as a mental habit over time creates patterns in the future that are guaranteed to produce an unfortunate effect. That's why it's so important to "tune up" your planetary functions, as when we harmonize and elevate these parts of ourselves we can begin to attract the people who we could love and could love us in healthy ways.
In Astrology and Love - Karmic Dances That Free The Soul, I introduced the ideas that our ideal mate is within us, and that each one we attract in this life fulfills old karmas of internal images and assists us to learn how the dance of our subconsciousness relates to what and who we attract in our lives. As I said in that post,
Sometimes our karma creates pleasurable experiences and relationships, while other times we grow through the pain of not so wise choices.... they all offer us ways to create new future karmic connections and experiences that could manifest to our future benefit through what we think, feel, do, and say. It all depends on ...our responses to what is pleasurable and painful, and how we greet our opportunities to grow beyond old desires into a greater, truer love.
There is no separation between the inner and outer forms of Love that we make manifest. To the degree we allow our subconscious and unfulfilled desires to seduce our mind, we bring forth the people who teach us that they are not our Soul mate. Everything in our subconscious brings forth images, because whether we know it or not, we out-picture these images in our interactions. We learned much of this when we were not very aware of what would be an appropriate versus an inappropriate way of loving and being loved. We seldom question whether these desires and attachments are good, or true, or useful.
The key to finding our true love is to learn how to image our heart’s desire without playing to the seductions of our subconscious mind that set us up to take a fall into pain and suffering. The good thing is that we learn from these as well, and in overcoming the tendencies to desire that which is painful, we learn to examine what we want and why we want it. This eventually leads us to relationships that are much better for us.
As I wrote in Astrology and Love - Using the Moon And Venus Wisely,the Moon and Venus help us to transform our unhappy interpersonal and emotional experiences into something more beautiful, positive, and nurturing to us. In that article I also explored the power of using our Sun sign energies to radiate an intense positivity that with practice over time will derive to other's benefit in the future, as well as our own. Our Sun, or heart energies show us the way to be at the center of our inner “Solar system,” or place within a larger galactic field of life. We all have that power, and the best part of this is that each of us gets to choose exactly the type of loving radiance that is perfect for us, and how we can best demonstrate it to others. This involves conscious choice and consistent practice, since the degree of personal positivity is a combination of technique, inner connectedness, and heart-centeredness. It is our true spiritual path to power. The Sun and the Moon are the core principles for us and our direct experience of life, and so of course would profoundly impact who we are, who we think we need, and who we attract.
As I put forth in that article,
A healthy Moon allows us to care for ourselves and others in ways that are perfect for the need of the moment. We are no longer troubled by insecurities or feel unable to take care of ourselves, or behave in immature ways hoping to find someone who will fulfill our childish needs. As we change our lunar expression, we change the people we feel close to and want to be around, and through a process of selection and reflection, we eventually start attracting people who are able to care for us in ways that are healthy and appropriate to our matured self. This usually involves transcending inherited and learned parental patterns, many of which become obsolete as we individuate. As we release old unfulfilling patterns, we are able to embrace habits of living that strengthen and fulfill us.
The Moon, being naturally reflective, adaptive, and insecure, can be strengthened and nurtured by the qualities of our Sun and its abundant Solar force. The Sun shows our essential nature... pouring out infinite light and warmth to our world. It shows us our heart's desire. By using the Sun to strengthen our Moon's expression, we are able to capture reflected forms of our heart’s desire rather than reflected illusions that leave us feeling insecure and needy. The Sun is the expression of our healthy loving friendships, the only real basis of lasting relationships. When we attract our heart's desire, it will always manifest as a loving friendship, regardless of whether the element of romance is present.
We can find our heart's desire. We just have to get clearer and clearer, practice imagining what your ideal person with ideal characteristic might be. Examine why you want what you want, and see if there's a way to imagine someone with the best qualities without having qualities that would be difficult for you. Practice being clear about what you want and what you don't, and eventually you'll see a form of your ideal made manifest, since the Moon and Venus show you your power to generate that which is pleasing to you. Just get clear about what you don't want as well as what you do.
All it takes is practice to make it a habit. That’s the Moon. And polish the way we express it. That’s the Venus. Be clear and postive about what you want, since it’s better to generate positivity than negativity. Since there’s so much of the latter and so little of the former, your positivity will begin to attract those to you who might be your mate. Then it's your job to know who to say yes to and who to say no to. The best part of that strategy is that you feel so much better in the long run, and your happiness is not dependent on anyone else.
As I wrote about Venus,
We all need the affectionate and pleasing experiences that Venus symbolizes. In our search for Beauty, however, we need to make sure that we are also searching for Truth and Goodness. These are all the higher traits of Venus, and so if we aren't seeing Truth or Goodness in another, then the Beauty is probably not appropriate for us. As we learn to link these higher qualities of Venus within ourselves, we are offered opportunities to manifest these traits and over time elevate our Venus function. As we refine our Venus and allow it to become the embodiment of Truth, Goodness, and Beauty, we naturally attract others who fulfill our higher aspirations.Through our willingness to refine and elevate our Moon and Venus functions, we bring an entirely different quality to our relationships, and attract those who are beautiful, elegant, charming, and nurturing.
We can resolve many of the misunderstandings between us and others by getting clear about what our inner ideal of life really is about, and striving to live those ideals as consistantly as we can. Sometime we settle for less than we need to. It's really as easy as changing your expectation, and allowing your imagination to dream ways of being with others that is better than you've thought of before now. Eventually you'll reach your heart's desire and find your Soul mate.