How Is A Help Mate or Soul Mate Similar or Different Than Your Twin Flame?

by Robert Wilkinson

Today's post was inspired by a reader who wondered how I define a "helpmate" and is that the same as our "Twin Flame." While there is a vast difference between those who help us and our "Divine Other," I thought a post could help clarify how I regard these. If you're wondering what to look for in your perfect mate, the one you've been waiting for across space and time, read on.

As I see it, a help mate is someone who is a genuine help to you. We can have many help mates throughout our lives, which is a good thang. It helps us recognize who are our genuine allies and friends, whether for an hour or a lifetime. Our help mates and friends assist us to get our view oriented to recognize what is in our best interests, as well as the greatest good for the greatest number. Our friends and help mates call forth our heart's response in genuine love, affection, and a healthy reserve so we can dance in the relationship without going into spaces that are in no one's best interests.

There is only One Twin Flame. The Twin Flame is your "other half" you were split from at the beginning of human individuation 3 million years ago. That said, you won't find your Twin Flame apart from someone who is a genuine help to you. If they're not your friend, if there isn't a healthy affection and reserve so you can dance separately and together, then they're not your Twin Flame.

We've all developed personality habits that may obscure our ability to recognize our Twin Flame, which is why we need patience, maturity, and good will toward others even if they seem not to be a "perfect fit," since we've ALL fallen into unhelpful habits of perception. There will be little or no tendency to push apart once you recognize each other and resolve that old personality habits won't mess up your dance. Your Twin Flame will inspire the best in you, and never accompany an unhealthy dependency, manipulation, or put you down in ways that make you feel slimed or other such nasty habits.

Your Twin Flame will call forth a spontaneous joy, anticipation of what's to come, but not in ways that make you feel anxious or unfulfilled. To describe the indescribable, I suspect it's more like a homecoming between true friends who have known each other since the beginning of time. Thus there will be no sense of urgency to the relationship, and probably not much of a conflict between "should I or shouldn't I?" You will both feel strengthened and whole, individually and together.

I've posted various things on the Twin Flame in comment streams in relation to "Soul Mates" as well as "Help Mates." To sum up, anyone who brings up a greater love could potentially be a "Soul mate," but may not be the best material for a lifelong partner. Soul Mates can even break your heart so you know what unconditional love can feel like if you choose to renounce the conditions around your love that being inspired. That's why I never encourage people to cling to a perceived "Soul Mate," but rather seek friends because they are your Helpmates who you grow with into a greater love, affection, and friendship.

Where there's an ability to make a friend who you can love and who can love you, there is happiness, connectedness, and maybe even a partner. We have one "Twin Flame," but many who are our friends and lovers across time. Hopefully we learn lots about conditional and unconditional love from all of them. You can always find the love you seek, but must have a plan and patience.

I believe a true Soul mate is one you can have an eternal adventure with. We have several "Soul mates," and anyone you're drawn to represents those qualities to some degree. They may even have some qualities of your Twin Flame, but if they were, you'd be together. They could not have resisted what they would have picked up in you, and the attraction would grow over time and experience rather than diminish. The cup is always filled to the brim. So learn to take the many you're drawn to as symbols of elements of your Twin Flame, and open to whichever ones awaken your Highest Self.

No one EVER "settles for their Twin Flame." A Twin Flame IS your other half, across space and time, forever and ever. If you ever met, you could never imagine anyone else under any circumstances, since your Twin Flame IS your absolute complement. They are everything you've ever wanted, imagined, or dreamed of, and you are the same thing for them. You are different, but perfectly complementary. I mean perfectly.

I was asked if we could meet our "Twin Flame" and then part. I suppose Twin Flames could come together briefly, for example, if one was married to another not their twin flame. It could be very painful for the personality to suffer the separation, so one might split in another direction because of the impossibility of feeling such a strong connection without the ability to fulfill the relationship. But I would also think there would be an attraction forever that would never leave the consciousness.

I know I've opened the door to a thousand questions, but please re-read and meditate on what I've written here, and welcome insights based in past relationships (male AND female) to show you elements of what your heart desires more than you can describe. The good news is that almost all human Souls attached to this Earth are incarnated, and thus our Twin Flame could very well be alive somewhere.

With instant communications and extraordinary mobility unlike any other time in history, there's a greater chance we could find our Twin Flame if we cultivate personality traits that could attract them. That's why fear, clutching, confusion, doubt, and attachments won't help. Only when we open to the highest can the highest manifest.

Consider that your homework. There are no failing grades for your efforts, but at some point there will be the perfect manifestation of your Highest Self and heart's desire. It's called the Twin Flame.

© Copyright 2007 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[Ian]

I'm consistently amazed at how synchronous your posts are to my own life and, surely, the lives of others. Almost every post you make is regarding a subject occupying my current attention. wonderful!

[ian]

...and in regards to soulmates, I always say "we are all soulmates" for better and for worse!

Try and treat each other as such.

[anca]

Nice words...still waiting :)
Robert, do you think the longing is stronger in a Gemini/Libra rising?

[Joy]

Robert,

The post is brief but beautiful. Perhaps a longer one soon? :-) Looking forward. Yours is always such a great read. Thanks for the hard work you put in. It's much appreciated.

Joy

[Robyn]

as madonna says..
"i'm burning up, burning up for your love... "

life is strange.... lately... i feel that i'm definitely being lead somewhere... there are signs, words and images recently that provoke me in an invisible way, but i feel i'm waiting for ... a moment.

[Robert]

Hi Ian - That's the advantage of me actually paying attention to my readers' questions! I don't believe any of us exist in a vacuum, and therefore what's on the mind of one is surely on the minds of others. All I have to do is figure out what to say. And yes, in the way you state it, truly we ALL are Soulmates, since all of us are challenged to learn and give unconditional Love the best we're able while we're here in a body.

Hi anca - No. The yearning is universal, whether a person admits it or not. I believe it is the unspoken question we wonder about from our earliest years to our last breath. That's why the "urge to merge" is considered a primal instinct.

Hi Joy - Thanks for the compliment. This post is actually longer than I originally intended, and obviously could become a book if I just had the time.

Hi robyn - It's always a good moment to embrace the unknown potential. If you've read "The Game of Life," then your expectations should be in good shape to receive a blessing perfect for your situation.

[AceStar]

Wether for an hour or for a life time! what can i say Robert ... amazing article on Soul mate (Twin Flame)
i met few Soul mates which i knew in previous life time and also met my twin flame i know how big these experiences and what effect they bring into your life and change you forever :)
its about your destiney in which your Soul mates help you to seek and find your way out and they r the biggest helpers :)

thanks for the article

good luck

[Linda]

Your article is very inspiring. Thanks, Robert. It's just what I needed. You always do that when I need to be inspired the most.

I do know of people who have never had the type of soul mate relationship throughout their entire life. Does this mean they never ran into this person in this lifetime, or didn't listen to their heart possibly due to psychological issues or abuse blocking them from realizing their soul mate?

I know you said if they someone isn't true for you, then their not your soul twin, but I truly feel that have met the man who is my perfect compliment in everyway, and nothing steers me away from this feeling I sense everyday. I have felt this way for a long time, and even though we are not speaking currently, I still know we will communicate in the future again. This man was abused when he was younger, and now has issues of abandonement, and consistenly chooses women who create toxic relationships with. He literally cannot clear his mind to choose the path that I believe is one we share. What do you think of human issues affecting people from ever connecting with their soul twin?

[Valerie]

Hi Robert,

I have had the priviledge of meeting my twin flame. I'm absolutely sure of it. I can't live with him, I can't marry him (he's already taken) but we are good friends. He's one of my best friends, in fact, and whenever I see him around or talk on the phone I get that deep down feeling of I've-known-you-forever. I can't explain it. But there was a time I knew he was coming into my life (major progressed sun to Venus!) and when he did, it was nothing like I have felt before or since. And he wasn't who I expected. I had to accept the situation but you know of course, this is where unconditional love comes into play. I consider myself lucky to have met him again. So people, keep this possibility in mind! Hollywood happily ever after may not happen, but if you really love someone, that won't matter. He'll be there inside you, even after you have moved on. It's really amazing.

[TrumansCat]

I have been single the majority of my life & I often get the question... "what is wrong with you?"
I believe in the Twin Flame, always have on a level that I can not explain...& at 40 plus I am still waiting. Either I am an optimist & it will eventuate or I have bought into a colossal joke....
Where in my chart would I look for some answer Robert?

[Jessi]

Hi Robert, I'd like to know, after reading your article, what do you think of the idea of Soul Mates as per Jeffrey Wolf Green's "Pluto Two", as opposed to the explanation above? I read that on the Evolutionary Astrology site. I realize there may not be enough space, but thought if you could condense your answer somehow...? :) Seems to me the Twin Flames are the self-reliant Soul Mates from the Evolutionary Astrology site. Thank you in advance for any possible answer you may be able to give!

[Robert]

Hi AceStar - We do have quite a few "Soul Mates" that teach us about what love is and is not. They do have a big effect on us, regardless of the intentions at the time. And I'll still take a help mate every time, whether they're Soul Mates or not.;-)

Hi Linda - Glad the article inspired you. Though it's dicey to generalize here, it is true that many choose not to risk and "play it safe," which of course does not help the Soul to grow in its recognition of love. We always run into a "Soul mate" sooner or later, but often people are hurt, scared, or just too selfish to recognize the opportunity. And of course, people also put up their guard against being hurt again when the source of suffering is already in their rear view mirror. If the one you speak of is a Soul mate, you may or may not fulfill the contract; if they were your Twin Flame, they couldn't stop thinking about you and would make every effort to cultivate some form of friendship, even if other options were not there. If it's true that he "consistently chooses... toxic relationships," that's obviously a personality issue which can only be transmuted through forms of therapy, reflection, and choosing to move toward his Higher Self away from the attachments, aversions, and illusions that only result in forms of suffering.

Hi Valerie - It certainly sounds like you've found a fellow time traveler who you've known for a looooong time. What you describe is very much like what I'm trying to communicate about these "Divine Others." We may or may not be able to be with them in our world, but we are both very much together in the timeless realm. And occasionally we DO get to be mates in the flesh as well as the Spirit, after which there will probably never be another regardless of what lifetime we're here. Once the karmic connect is fulfilled, then we're free to dance through Eternity.

Hi TrumansCat - It's probably in the chart, but only to the extent we are cooperating with the highest manifestations of our planets. And of course, unless we're "perfect," then whoever shows up probably won't be "perfect" either. That's why the focus is on the unconditional Love that naturally pours forth when in the presence of someone who could resemble "the Beloved."

I believe that as we cultivate our Highest Self, learning to listen to the whispers of our Heart, we find ourselves moving toward a higher fulfillment where much doesn't make sense in the eyes of usualness. We may or may not "find" our Other, but I believe that the more we choose consciously to move into a greater Love and Wisdom, willing to invite the beloved to show up, sooner or later we find ourselves actually looking at a face that could be the beloved. In practicing a greater love with those who show up (however that is defined in the moment - doesn't have to be physical) we open to deep knowing that we're on the right track. It's like we have many rehearsals before the curtain rises on the play, and need to learn how to view our part so that the best comes forth. That allows us to be pleasantly surprised when that which we've been waiting for actually shows up. They may or may not look like what we expected, but the dance is always a delightful courtship.

Hi Jessi - Your comment came in as I composed the above answers, so I've tacked it on here. I went to the site and read most of what was written. I completely disagree with his typings and explanation of the Soul. The Soul is never confrontational or judgmental. Period. It is our higher or more subtle and refined "feeling vehicle" just as our Astral body is the more dense and unrefined feeling vehicle. The Soul knows ONLY the highest feelings, and never splits in the method he describes. That's an impossibility if you understand the nature of the human emanation, our 7 vehicles, and how we incarnate.

We have a Higher Triad emanating from the Monad, our Oneness beyond "Heaven" a.k.a. the Devachanic plane. The Higher Triad is Atma (Spirit), Buddhi (Soul), and Manas (Pure Mind), these expressing themselves holographically as a "lower Triad" of body, feelings, and ego-mind. The Soul doesn't judge sex or alcohol or anything else negatively. That's as impossible as our big toe judging our eyebrows. It's function is to Love, its nature is Love, and its expression is what we call compassion ("fellow-feeling"), connectedness, and is what infuses higher thoughts with love and united-ness. There is no inner conflict on a Soul level. All conflict exists only on an egoic level, the level of duality. The Soul does not recognize duality, as its nature is the pure undiluted experience of Love.

According to the most ancient, venerable, and reliable of sources (the Secret Doctrine), there were not enough Spirit-Souls for the number of human bodies on Earth at the point of individuation 3 million years ago. That's why there was a split, and why we've been searching for our Twin Flame since the beginning of time. Some of what he describes as Twin Souls sounds more like Souls on parallel evolutionary tracks within our larger Soul field,, within which we have our particular Soul Pod. "Journey of the Soul" by Michael Newton is particularly good for learning more about our "life between lives." Just because two people are born close together does not mean they are Twin Souls. Maybe parallel holograms, but no two consciousnesses are identical. That's impossible. And the Soul never becomes bored. That's an ego-mind trait, not a Soul trait.

I know I haven't addressed some of what he asserts re: Soul mates. Briefly, I agree with his stuff about the unconditional love, but do not agree that Soul mates have only great conditions, since that usually doesn't produce the type of striving and intensity that helps us transmute conditional into unconditional love. Anyway, this is probably not as brief nor as in depth as it should be, but I have many other things I must now do.

[Anne]

Now I think I have a context for this strange thing that happened to me. Thanks, Robert.
I wrote my special friend in the UK:

"Odd moment of insight. I have the feeling that when I find my way into your arms, I may weep and know home for the first time...." and later:
"I do know that that odd moment of realization about finding myself in your arms and knowing home for the first time was valid then and valid now. Some truths come with such force that they will not be denied. This one came from up and to my right, at an angle, hit me, and I sat down and wrote you."

[carrie ann]

Sychronicity indeed. I just started dating again............

[Jessi]

Thank you very much for your explanation Robert! Much appreciated! :)

[Robert]

Hi Anne - You're welcome. I've known those feelings as well. It is like "coming home," in a very peculiar and timeless way.

Hi carrie ann - Go for the courtship, renounce the seductions, and trust your heart to know the truth from the illusion.

Hi Jessi - Sure. I didn't mean to come off like he has nothing of merit to say, but it's frustrating to me that so many do not use language precisely, and what they communicate gets muddled through spaghetti-loop connections. So I figured it was time to explain what I know of how and why we incarnate. And your comment inspired a two-part article coming out next week on the entire subject of our subtle bodies, and how we come into manifestation. I used some of what I said here and added more, so thanks for the inspiration.

[abacus]

Robert, u r right about one's twin flame - like two pages across each other in the same book, where one ends and another begings one does not know. And one does part from them, and there is no going back so there is love to fill that void, the trying, the conscious effort, maybe that is the purpose of it all. God Bless !

[Kimmi K]

So true. I've been saying a prayer to reunite with my Twin Flame for quite a long time now. And I believe I've met him this year. Unfortunately his free will is choosing his ego based self at the time. Although we are not together right now I feel certain we will be again very soon. Signs keep pointing to him and I believe his higher self will guide him back into my arms again.

[Robert]

Hi abacus - The generation of love through our striving and intensification leads to a strengthening of our identification with the Law of Magnetic Attraction within, where we get more powerful in attracting ways to give and receive love. So I'd agree that it's one of the main purposes for us to exist on this level of sentience.

Hi Kimmi - If he's your Twin Flame, then patience with the process will be easy. Keep meditating that you both and all of humanity will see a greater Light, feel a greater Love, and know a greater Wisdom.

[Patricia H]

Hi Robert,

In the past when I read couple's synastry charts I wondered what to look for when someone ask, "are we soul mates, twin flames?"

Would you look for node conjunctions with personal planets in the 8th and 12th houses? What about n nodes conjunct an outer planet or MC? A man's sun conjunct a woman's moon if the couple is heterosexual? Or is it a combination of things? Or complicated as the French say?

This is an area of astrology that fascinates me to no end.

peace,

Patricia

[Kimmi K]

Regarding my last post. This person is also going through his Saturn return in Virgo and said he is focused now on his job. I feel this be a reason he's not interested in pursuing a relationship with me because he is feeling a lot of pressure from this transit? Do you have any thoughts?
Kimmi K

[Robert]

Hi Patricia - I do not believe we can know these things from a chart, though of course there will be extraordinary contacts between the two. The chart can show your heart's desire, but so far there is nothing I've found that distinguishes Twin Flames. 8/12 house contacts can create crash and burn situations as well as deep knowledge. It all depends on the evolutionary state of the individual, and of course any two beings with virtually identical charts can take radically different moral pathways. The Nodes alone cannot show these things, any more than any other combination of factors. Male Sun conjunct Female Moon is a strong contact and natural for marriage, but that doesn't mean they are fit for each other. Could be a past life draw, which may not mean Twin Flame, since we've all been married to a lot of people throughout our human existence. Definitely complicated, as the French say.

Hi Kimmie - When a person's doing Saturn work, it's best to stand back and admire the sculpture being created day by day. If you're supportive and there's a connect, then you'll both enjoy the feast when the time is right. We only have so much time, energy, and money. When we are focused on using these for our betterment or necessities, we don't have much time to devote to others. Relationships take an investment of time and attention, and when I'm doing work that requires concentration, I'm really not much into hanging out, so I understand where he's coming from. Still, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, so I hope he remembers to take time to play a little so he doesn't wake up wondering what happened.

[Diana]

Hi Robert,

I was on my lunchtime walk on the day you posted this article and I had been wondering to myself what this knowing and relating would be called. Soul mate didn't quite feel like it and I was pleasantly surprised to read about the twin flame, certainly a divine other exquisitely woven into my life. I recall Rumi: souls knit together without being sewn, no seam. It's been that way from the beginning and I had been wary of overinterpreting it. This was the face of the beloved in the balcony that I 'saw' on May 16 2007 (your posting). Many other pointers lead me to believe that this is a meeting that has been placed before me by the rhythm of the universe, and it is a dance we both know and cannot speak, yet recognise the cosmic delight in where the other is. It is a professional relationship deeply cherished, respectfully restrained and joyfully communicated. Is it a wonder that our first meeting was on Jung's birthday - something I realised last week upon looking through last year's calendar. The deep soul knowing is unmistakable: it has been a blessing beyond explanation. It is teaching me what it is to love with an open palm.

[Robert]

Hi Diana - Great Rumi analogy, very much like the metaphor abacus so aptly offered, "like two pages across each other in the same book, where one ends and another begins." I believe when we stop believing the Divine Other must resemble a certain thing, then we open to the appearance of the Beloved. Loving with an open palm is a great way to put it, since the "open hand" is one of the paths to the highest Earthly wisdom.

[carrie ann]

Good advice Robert. I will heed it.