by Robert Wilkinson
Today's post was inspired by a reader who wondered how I define a "helpmate" and is that the same as our "Twin Flame." While there is a vast difference between those who help us and our "Divine Other," I thought a post could help clarify how I regard these. If you're wondering what to look for in your perfect mate, the one you've been waiting for across space and time, read on.
As I see it, a help mate is someone who is a genuine help to you. We can have many help mates throughout our lives, which is a good thang. It helps us recognize who are our genuine allies and friends, whether for an hour or a lifetime. Our help mates and friends assist us to get our view oriented to recognize what is in our best interests, as well as the greatest good for the greatest number. Our friends and help mates call forth our heart's response in genuine love, affection, and a healthy reserve so we can dance in the relationship without going into spaces that are in no one's best interests.
There is only One Twin Flame. The Twin Flame is your "other half" you were split from at the beginning of human individuation 3 million years ago. That said, you won't find your Twin Flame apart from someone who is a genuine help to you. If they're not your friend, if there isn't a healthy affection and reserve so you can dance separately and together, then they're not your Twin Flame.
We've all developed personality habits that may obscure our ability to recognize our Twin Flame, which is why we need patience, maturity, and good will toward others even if they seem not to be a "perfect fit," since we've ALL fallen into unhelpful habits of perception. There will be little or no tendency to push apart once you recognize each other and resolve that old personality habits won't mess up your dance. Your Twin Flame will inspire the best in you, and never accompany an unhealthy dependency, manipulation, or put you down in ways that make you feel slimed or other such nasty habits.
Your Twin Flame will call forth a spontaneous joy, anticipation of what's to come, but not in ways that make you feel anxious or unfulfilled. To describe the indescribable, I suspect it's more like a homecoming between true friends who have known each other since the beginning of time. Thus there will be no sense of urgency to the relationship, and probably not much of a conflict between "should I or shouldn't I?" You will both feel strengthened and whole, individually and together.
I've posted various things on the Twin Flame in comment streams in relation to "Soul Mates" as well as "Help Mates." To sum up, anyone who brings up a greater love could potentially be a "Soul mate," but may not be the best material for a lifelong partner. Soul Mates can even break your heart so you know what unconditional love can feel like if you choose to renounce the conditions around your love that being inspired. That's why I never encourage people to cling to a perceived "Soul Mate," but rather seek friends because they are your Helpmates who you grow with into a greater love, affection, and friendship.
Where there's an ability to make a friend who you can love and who can love you, there is happiness, connectedness, and maybe even a partner. We have one "Twin Flame," but many who are our friends and lovers across time. Hopefully we learn lots about conditional and unconditional love from all of them. You can always find the love you seek, but must have a plan and patience.
I believe a true Soul mate is one you can have an eternal adventure with. We have several "Soul mates," and anyone you're drawn to represents those qualities to some degree. They may even have some qualities of your Twin Flame, but if they were, you'd be together. They could not have resisted what they would have picked up in you, and the attraction would grow over time and experience rather than diminish. The cup is always filled to the brim. So learn to take the many you're drawn to as symbols of elements of your Twin Flame, and open to whichever ones awaken your Highest Self.
No one EVER "settles for their Twin Flame." A Twin Flame IS your other half, across space and time, forever and ever. If you ever met, you could never imagine anyone else under any circumstances, since your Twin Flame IS your absolute complement. They are everything you've ever wanted, imagined, or dreamed of, and you are the same thing for them. You are different, but perfectly complementary. I mean perfectly.
I was asked if we could meet our "Twin Flame" and then part. I suppose Twin Flames could come together briefly, for example, if one was married to another not their twin flame. It could be very painful for the personality to suffer the separation, so one might split in another direction because of the impossibility of feeling such a strong connection without the ability to fulfill the relationship. But I would also think there would be an attraction forever that would never leave the consciousness.
I know I've opened the door to a thousand questions, but please re-read and meditate on what I've written here, and welcome insights based in past relationships (male AND female) to show you elements of what your heart desires more than you can describe. The good news is that almost all human Souls attached to this Earth are incarnated, and thus our Twin Flame could very well be alive somewhere.
With instant communications and extraordinary mobility unlike any other time in history, there's a greater chance we could find our Twin Flame if we cultivate personality traits that could attract them. That's why fear, clutching, confusion, doubt, and attachments won't help. Only when we open to the highest can the highest manifest.
Consider that your homework. There are no failing grades for your efforts, but at some point there will be the perfect manifestation of your Highest Self and heart's desire. It's called the Twin Flame.
© Copyright 2007 Robert Wilkinson