Coping With The Holiday Season and Difficult Feelings

by Robert Wilkinson

From long years of past personal experience and knowing many people throughout my life who have had similar responses, it seems safe to say that the holiday season brings up difficult feelings. Not that we all have them every year, but it is normal for many to experience sadness or some difficulty with their emotions. While I believe this can be antidoted over time, for those who are struggling it can be challenging. Today's article offers some ideas to help those trying to cope.

First, I'll reiterate that it is very normal to have deep feelings and some measure of sorrow or sadness at this time of the year. In the Northern Hemisphere it is the end of the year, the "harvests" have been tallied, and usually there are unfulfilled dreams. There isn't much solar force to cheer us up, and those places that are cold and barren are, well, cold and barren. And yet we're supposed to be happy, cheerful, filled with merriment and goodwill to all. Or so our legends, myths, and advertisers tell us. Those who are cheered by such things are blessed, but there are some times when these do not help us feel better.

There are many contributing causes to all kinds of sorrowful or frustrating feelings. Because it is considered "the end of the year" in Western cultures, of course we would feel that another year is gone, and what has been done? What have we fulfilled? How have we fallen short of what we desired for the past year relative to last year's intention? Just what have we accomplished? Due to the nature of desire and the subjective mind, it is natural to go into negative or unhappy states.

I believe it is human to feel like we should be doing more, accomplishing more, having more, knowing more, and all those desires with which our higher aspirations would feel fulfilled. And yet, as humans we also have natural limitations that viewed from one point of view both keep us out of trouble AND offer us unlimited promise for the future. We cannot have the lower pleasures and the higher ones simultaneously, except for a very brief time. We must lose people who no longer belong with us or we with them, so that we can make time and space for better ones in the future. Old jobs give way to new skills that promise a more fulfilling life.

Why now? Since nature is in its season of rest after a year of putting forth leaves, flowers, and fruits, Winter is where we can understand the past year's events as a whole "cycle of manifestation." In that sense, Winter is a season of "making report" to one's God, Master, or Truth-of-Being. Unfortunately, due to the nature of our subjective self-judgments, we are more apt to find that which is lacking than that which we have accomplished.

It is natural to feel all sorts of things because of all sorts of reasons. It's part of being human. And yet, we have the power to redirect our body, feelings, and mind any time we want. This is not denial in the sense of avoidance, but it is the power of radical dispassion that yields infinite compassion for ourselves and others as humans.

Over the years my own feelings have gone through all kinds of changes. Sometimes I've experienced very sad states, and within hours also experienced true joy. This perplexed me when I was younger and didn't understand just how much power we humans have to redirect when we choose to. I learned that we cannot force it in the usual sense, but we can coax forth better feelings if we persist in not feeding the sorrow and take heart in the moment, breathing and loving the best we're able.

While it wasn't easy when I started, it's become easier over the years to move through strong sad feelings, my own and others', with compassion. While it's human to feel sad at endings it's also possible not to lose one's equilibrium. I can truly say that every time I've chosen to "take the high road" consistently as part of my Spiritual practice, most of my difficult feelings quickly went away and I was left with compassion.

For those who struggle with frustrating feelings, please remember that these too shall pass, and your view will be different quicker than you think if you don't clutch at strong negative feelings. When any trial of endurance is over, we are left with Self knowledge, strength, forms of wisdom born of our experiences, and the space to grow toward a better life and relationships. The trick is not to do destructive things while we are feeling sad, since these only aggravate our frustration and the intensity of our sorrow.

No matter how bad it seems, it's not as bad as it could be as long as we don't feed the negativity. And tomorrow holds tremendous promise, if we're ready to perceive it and embrace it. Even in apparent failure, our creative imagination is stimulated and we are strengthened by our effort. I have found that gently and persistently choosing to discipline the Higher Mind to remember that lower states are always temporary usually helps us not go into spaces we don't need to, and can even help us realize some parts of our common humanity.

While sometimes it seems grim, we're never as alone, isolated, or powerless as we may feel. Everything changes the moment you awaken to your Eternal Self that possesses the Divine Power of Magnetic Attraction. This ensures that you WILL find that which fulfills you if only you release your internal blockages and reservations about being truly fulfilled. Sometimes it's as simple as opening the door to greet the guest, or getting out of the "house of personality" and seeing a larger view of how we came to be who we are and choosing anew.

We must feel all the feelings there are to feel if we are to master our emotions. We must think all the thoughts we can think so we can come to understand our power to build positive and productive thought forms while rejecting erroneous perceptions and assumptions. These help us realize and apply our Divine powers, taking them from latent to active as we master various states of human-ness.

As we master our feelings and our minds, we can commune with others who struggle with those same difficulties we also once had. That allows us to practice our ability to be a loving light in the darkness of worldly experience, and demonstrate a higher Love that antidotes the fear, anger, and suffering that all humans experience who are still struggling with their feelings and perceptions.

© Copyright 2008 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[Damien]

Interesting, but I chalk it up to the sun's annual ingress into Capricorn, the sign of discouragement, rigor, gloominess, and depression...the solar force being at its weakest.

[Viki]

Well said Robert! Excellent article. I have noticed that the Sagittarius energy builds up expectations for the holiday season, as people run around buying gifts and preparing for Christmas while the Sun is in this energetic sign - but then comes the winter solstice with the Sun entering Capricorn, and we find that the enthusiasm of Jupiter has given way to the sombre reflection of Saturn. (Being a Scorpio, I actually enjoy the self-reflection at the end of the year, and the sense of hope and anticipation for the coming year.)

I've also noticed that the Full Moon in Cancer (sign of home and family) can add to people's feeling of sorrow or distress around Christmas, when the Full Moon is on or precedes Christmas Day. The Moon, ruler of our emotions, seems to bring them to the surface even more when it is full in it's own sign.

Although this is rare for me, this year I have gotten sick with bronchitis and laryngitis - so I will be spending the day alone, which I am looking forward to! A perfect time for me to write and reflect in the silence!

Happy Holidays to you and to all! 2009 is a "master number" year (2+0+0+9=11) and I sense that it will be very exciting for the planet, as we confront some essential issues that are due for big changes.

[Damien]

Ya, my holiday has turned into somber-fest...the gloom of old low-light. But I wanted to wish YOU a Merry Christmas, Robert. :)

[Valerie]

Hi Robert, thank you for yet another insightful article. It certainly puts a better perspective on things. I have always loved Christmas but have gone through some very sad ones and tried to get the most of the learning experience. This Christmas I'm alone, in the office (I volunteered)- at the moment looking out at a pretty sunset with sundog rainbows. A sort of gift from above.

Viki- thanks for the reminder about the master year! That is a positive thing for me, as I was born on June 29th! Do you know that 29 is a Job number... great sacrifice, loss and sorrow comes with great blessings in the end, if you just have faith...

Namaste to all! :)

[Jilly]

merry christmas & hope 09 is good for you.

[Amit Sharma]

Very thoughful and useful words of wisdom. Thanks for the article Robert ji.

[Wendy]

Hi Robert,
Thank you for bringing all of my scattered feelings into a fantastically well written article. My so-called-mental particles are scattered, and many beliefs are going through a destruction phase this Christmas season. Many blind spots are being lit up. It's been a healthy death though. And your article was part of my transitional rebirth! Maybe I should call this a Rudolph Awakening!heeehee.....
Cheers,
Wendy

[Robert]

Hi Damien - Yes, those things do factor into the annual equation, at least in the Northern Hemisphere. And thanks for the Merry, and may you also be doing well in this season.

Hi Viki - Sag to Cap can be a real yin-yang! Good insight into Cancer energies being a tip as to what's up in this Cap time. 2009 will in fact be a blessing for many due to Jupiter and Neptune.

Hi Valerie - Volunteering to be in a place where we can meditate can often lift any lurking gloominess of the season. Transcending dualities will be another offering of 2009.

Hi Jilly - And to you as well. Give your woods a big smile from me.

Hi Amit - You're welcome. May 2009 be good to you as well as all of us.

Hi Wendy - Glad the article helps. Lighting blind spots is good for dispelling shadows. Enjoy the awakening, and ride the wave into perpetual higher awareness.

That's it for a few days, folks!