by Robert Wilkinson
Happy Valentines Day. This year we'll re-visit some insights about love, affection, boundaries, loyalties, seduction, and courtship.
We are told from a very high source that "Right Relationship" is one of the key tasks we are to learn on this Earth as humans. All relationships teach us never-ending lessons in finding and living our Highest Self.
Over time, through our willingness to engage others we find an endless variety of relationship experiences. Some of these are pleasurable and some are painful. How much they are either of these depends on what we've learned up to that point.
Our individual and mutual awareness and how we both respond to the dance between us influences our experience with others. That's why honoring what brought us to the dance is a good reminder of why we're there and what we can bring out of the experience.
Sometimes what was pleasurable becomes painful for a variety of reasons. It may or may not be personal, avoidable, or even the "fault" of one or the other. Life goes on, and we all grow in ways we may not have expected. That's why just because we've danced with a Being for awhile doesn't mean we're necessarily supposed to dance with them indefinitely.
Often we meet people due to past karmas, while other times it's a choice made in the moment. Just remember that many interactions and choices in our life must be chalked up to "it seemed like a good idea at the time." While we can still bring a higher awareness out of painful experiences, it's important to note that it is up to us to know when it's time to "hold 'em, fold 'em, walk away or run..."
How long a relationship lasts is entirely up to how we treat each other, since even apparently good ones can turn sour due to all kinds of reasons. However, regardless of whatever happens, we are never supposed to put up with non-loving, abusive, manipulative, or one-sided relationships.
One thing that is usually present in these types of toxic relationships is some element of seduction, or coercion. These can take many forms, and none will lead to healthy relationships. Seduction can feel very exciting, but as I've told many, the wreckage isn't worth the price.
You can spot seductions by noticing if there are negotiations that involve you compromising something you believe in, or feel coerced into something that doesn't feel quite right. There may be elements of feeling like you're spinning your wheels, or that something is one-sided to the point where you know something's wrong, whether you can put your finger on it or not.
Other ways that indicate an element of seduction might be present include power games that leave you feeling that something is out of balance or even a sense of increasing powerlessness, or when you struggle with ideas or feelings that aren't ordinarily there when you're happy. Lies and deceptions that are justified by one to the detriment of the other always shows a seduction.
I do not believe any relationship can last where one is undermining the other, creating dependencies or self-doubt, or diminishing the sense of love we have for ourselves. When we feel these are happening, if we dig a little deeper we usually find various forms of narcissism being forced on us.
Narcissism is not self love. It is vanity attached to an impermanent form that exalts the false sense of self over any true feeling of love. If our true nature is Unconditional Love, Wisdom, and Intelligence, then as we embrace our Higher Self these higher qualities of Soul-Spirit will become more evident in our actions, feelings, and thoughts.
As we embrace this higher "self love," we find it's directly related to our ability to love "God," our Truth of Being, and our community of loving Souls. These are solid reference points where we find gateways to a Higher Love. When we're oriented toward our higher Love, we cannot be seduced away from that which supports and demonstrates our Soul.
All relationships show us what we do and do not like or admire, or perhaps need to learn to like or admire. Sometimes this functions through positive experiences, sometimes through negative ones. Sometimes in our friendships we simply must tolerate some relatively harmless dislikes so we can grow in how we respond to that which is unfamiliar or not quite our cup of tea.
Others also go through this in their relationship to us. We don't usually have problems with what we both like; the rub in relationships is what one or both don't like. That's where small frictions become the grist for the mill of Soul, where we both learn the art of give and take.
This shows us how to maintain balanced loving friendships with those who share our deeper feelings and thoughts regardless of our disagreement in particulars. Small frictions should never lead to a violation of boundaries, free will, or our sense of loving God and each other. If we feel these are violated, then usually coercion is present, usually in the form of a seduction.
We owe it to ourselves to be treated with respect, love, affection, and friendliness. As we learn to embrace and demonstrate these qualities in our personality, we simultaneously learn to recognize these in a conscious way in the circumstances and relationships in our life.
As we live these qualities the best we're able, we are given opportunities to offer these to others as well in a wide variety of ways appropriate to our interactive magnetism. Ultimately, the more we treat ourselves with respect, love, affection, and friendliness, even in our human fallibility, the easier it gets to offer them to our world consistently.
Whether spontaneous or learned, we can all grow into a greater love, respect, affection, and friendliness toward others with no hidden agendas to mess up the interaction. When there are hidden agendas, there are usually elements of seduction present.
Seductions are never harmless, since there is usually some manipulation that goes along with it. Once we get beyond seducing and being seduced, we neither manipulate nor can be manipulated. This leads to cultivating the virtues of detachment, dispassion, and discrimination even as it allows us to generate whatever good we feel is appropriate for us, another, or our world.
For more about how to recognize the difference between courtship and seduction, here's a post from Valentines past: Happy Valentine's Day - Courtship v. Seduction. By all means check it out, since it covers a lot more than I've offered here.
Happy Valentines Day. May you all find the Higher Love that attracts loving friends and companions so that all may find what they need to nourish and strengthen their Soul connections.
© Copyright 2010 Robert Wilkinson