Coping with Difficult Feelings in the Holiday Season

by Robert Wilkinson

From years of personal experience and knowing many who have had similar responses, it's evident that the holiday season may bring up difficult feelings for all kinds of reasons. Not that we all have them every year, but it is normal for many to experience sadness or some difficulty with their emotions. While I believe this can be antidoted over time, for those who are struggling it can be challenging. Today's article offers some ideas to assist those trying to cope.

This probably doesn't apply to those in the Southern Hemisphere and enjoying the sunshine and the beach. However, in the dark days of June and July down under, please revisit this article if you're having a hard time with the lack of Solar force or know someone else who is.

It is entirely normal to have deep feelings and occasionally some measure of sorrow or sadness at this time of the year, at least in the Northern Hemisphere. In the Northern Hemisphere it is the year's end, the "harvests" have been tallied, and usually there are unfulfilled dreams. There isn't much solar force to cheer us up, and those places that are cold and barren are, well, cold and barren.

Yet we're supposed to be happy, cheerful, filled with merriment and goodwill to all. Or so our legends, myths, and advertisers tell us. Those who are cheered by such things are blessed, but there are some times when these do not help us feel better.

There are many contributing causes to all kinds of sorrowful or frustrating feelings. Because it is considered "the end of the year" in most Western cultures in the Northern Hemisphere, of course we would feel that another year is gone, bringing up a self-examination.

What have we done? What have we fulfilled? How have we fallen short of what we desired for the past year relative to last year's intention? Just what have we accomplished? Are we better or worse off than last year? Due to the nature of desire and the subjective mind, it is natural to go into negative or unhappy states. Comparisons of the reality versus the ideal will often lead into funky feeling and mental states.

I believe it is human to feel like we should be doing more, accomplishing more, having more, knowing more, and all those desires with which our higher aspirations would feel fulfilled. And yet, as humans we also have natural limitations, that examined from one point of view both keep us out of trouble AND offer us unlimited promise for the future.

We cannot simultaneously have both lower pleasures and higher ones, except briefly. We must lose people who no longer belong with us or we with them, so that we can make time and space for better ones in the future. Old jobs give way to new skills that promise a more fulfilling life.

Why now? Since nature in the Northern Hemisphere is in its season of rest after a year of putting forth leaves, flowers, and fruits, Winter is where we can understand the past year's events as a whole "cycle of manifestation." In that sense, Winter is a season of "making report" to one's God, Master, or Truth-of-Being. Unfortunately, due to the nature of our subjective self-judgments, we are more apt to find that which is lacking than that which we have accomplished.

It is natural to feel all sorts of things because of all sorts of reasons. It's part of being human. And yet, we have the power to redirect our body, feelings, and mind any time we want. This is not denial in the sense of avoidance, but it is the power of radical dispassion that yields infinite compassion for ourselves and others as humans.

Over the years my own feelings have gone through all kinds of changes. Sometimes I've experienced very sad states, and within hours also experienced true joy. This perplexed me when I was younger and didn't understand just how much power we humans have to redirect when we choose to. I learned that we cannot force it in the usual sense, but we can coax forth better feelings if we persist in not feeding the sorrow and take heart in the moment, breathing and loving the best we're able.

While it wasn't easy when I started, it's become easier over the years to move through strong sad feelings, my own and others', with compassion. While it's human to feel sad at endings it's also possible not to lose one's equilibrium. I can truly say that every time I've chosen to "take the high road" consistently as part of my Spiritual practice, most of my difficult feelings quickly went away and I was left with compassion.

For those who struggle with frustrating feelings, please remember that these too shall pass. Your view will be different quicker than you suspect if you don't clutch at strong negative feelings.

It is also useful to examine whether you're having a hard time because someone else is having a hard time, or whether you're just picking up on the generic hard time that pervades the collective unconsciousness. Because we are linked with others in so many subtle ways, we can be picking up on a feeling that is around us, but not necessarily due to any thing we've done or not done.

That's why it's important to try to see "having a hard time" as something that needs a degree of tender care and gentle self-discipline. Consider it as a test of compassionate detachment, cultivating an open mind and open heart as you learn to bless and forgive yourself, turning negative feelings and thoughts to loving ones.

When any trial of endurance is over, we are left with Self knowledge, strength, forms of wisdom born of our experiences, and the space to grow toward a better life and relationships. The trick is not to do destructive things while we are feeling sad, since these only aggravate our frustration and the intensity of our sorrow.

No matter how bad it seems, it's not as bad as it could be as long as we don't feed the negativity. Tomorrow holds tremendous promise, if we're ready to perceive it and embrace it.

Even in apparent failure, our creative imagination is stimulated and we are strengthened by our effort. I have found that gently and persistently choosing to discipline the Higher Mind to remember that lower states are always temporary usually helps us not go into spaces we don't need to, and can even help us realize some parts of our common humanity.

While sometimes it seems grim, we're never as alone, isolated, or powerless as we may feel. Everything changes the moment you awaken to (or remember) your Eternal Self that possesses the Divine Power of Magnetic Attraction.

This ensures that you will inevitably find that which fulfills you, if only you release your internal blockages and reservations about being truly fulfilled. Sometimes it's as simple as opening the door to greet the guest, or getting out of the "house of personality" and seeing a larger view of how we came to be who we are and choosing anew. Getting out of our own way is a useful skill to cultivate so that we can allow our Truth-of-Being to flow through us, rather than stay stuck in unhelpful states of mind and feeling.

We must feel all the feelings there are to feel if we are to master our emotions. That's a part of our human-ness. We must also think all the thoughts we can think so we can come to understand our power to build positive and productive thought forms while rejecting erroneous perceptions and assumptions. These disciplines help us realize and apply our Divine powers, taking them from latent to active as we master various areas of our personal and interpersonal human existence.

As we master our feelings and our minds, we can commune with others who struggle with those same difficulties we also once had, helping them not feel so isolated and/or powerless. In those moments we are offered opportunities to practice our ability to be a loving light in the darkness of worldly experience, and demonstrate a higher Love that antidotes the fear, anger, and suffering that all humans experience who are still struggling with their feelings and perceptions.

So if you're having a hard time, you're not alone. And you can find your way to peace, love, and a sense of well-being if you find the right mental and emotional "antidotes." If you're not having a hard time, then send a prayer to those who suffer as one who has transcended to whatever degree the tendency to have a hard time during the holidays.

© Copyright 2011 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[Debbie Eastick]

It does happen alot down here too Robert, but maybe it is also due to that inner child of ours soooo much needing to enjoy and celebrate life that it often pushes to the surface all those heavy wounds that stop us from doing so, at least that was my experience this year.

[Robert]

Hi Debbie - Yes, well, we've all had difficult feelings come up at odd times due to the "irrepressibility" of our "Young One Everlasting" remembering that its Divine Estate is one of joy, happiness, and celebration. And then we look around and see our dysfunctional world, and wonder what happened. That's why "riding the waves of grief," not turning away nor wallowing in it, was the way I learned how to navigate the stuck stuff. Now I don't suffer as I once did, though with Jupiter in Pisces I do feel all there is to feel, and there's truly a lot of frustration out there due to feelings of lack, failure, being squashed, and overall just tired of the struggle of moving ourselves and the material creation into a better ideal. Matter does not yield its inertia easily.....

[caliban]

I do believe I have made some progress. One of the folks at the holiday table, well I knew she was startin to swing while we were doing the prep for the feast. It has been a long and troublesome battle with her through the years for me. At one point, I had left the room and returned to the table only to hear her snarking on me to the group. But I did okay. I realized that her words belonged to her and not me. And yes, perhaps she has some holiday sadness. For so long my bio family, via the parental units (and now they are gone), allowed her to call all the shots. I know it is a big change for her, losing her power position. I just find it difficult to work together with others to make something happen and make her the center of attention at the same time. It doesn't go together somehow for me. But we did move those food items into a delectable feast. People vs the food matter :).

[Elah]

Dear Robert,
Thank you for this timely reminder that we share the collective unconscious of all feelings....

I have been using this time to do my inner work of honest self evaluation and have concluded that there is still much to be learned and overcome. In keeping with the spirit of loving kindness and compassion, my dreams of late have offered the insight that we all deserve forgiveness and that all have in the human condition, the potential for expression of light or dark. So with this awareness comes the understanding that we are all "works in progress" with very little in the way of perfection in human form at this point in time.

Allowing myself to be imperfect is helpful. And forgiving humanity for the failings of this age does offer a compassionate view which brings me out of saddness and fear.

Mahalo dear teacher!

[Kerry]

"only you release your internal blockages and reservations about being truly fulfilled"
Robert and others...how do we do this - I think this is where I'm stuck!

I am so thankful that I stumbled upon this site - more than once your words have resonated with me and brought me increased solace, understanding, and hope and also sometimes confusion as I struggle with discerning what truth is for me and what isn't...or interpreting certain things and applying them to my life. I had a funk come over me for a couple of days recently and I am lighter and brighter today and this post was perfect timing. I think I can figure out what helped me through this and I am grateful. But today, I realized, that as far as I've come in the last year, I still have some kind of doubt/block/belief/? about receiving - all things being possible for me - dreams manifesting - abundance-joy-partner etc. I have prayed and been to energy healers etc. Anyone have any suggestions - how do I get to the bottom of what is blocking me or is this just a perception issue? Why don't I believe to my core and accept good IS happening - CAN happen for ME? I've had intuitives tell me "things get better from here" and "you're definitely back together" with him...and signs galore but still I have a hard time trusting and believing (in myself in spirit in both) and I don't know why.

[Robert]

Hi Caliban - Holydays do seem to bring out the tapes people take for granted, don't they? I'm sure that who you're dealing with does have sadness, for whatever reason. I tend to remind people that just because a being may be related by blood may not have anything to do with how close or distant you are. It's the old reminder we were told so long ago, "Who is your Father, your Mother? Who is your Brother, your Sister?"

Hi Elah - Yes, I try to remember to post this at this time of the year, since there are many who are having a hard time, and even more having a hard time over having a hard time. Loving kindness, compassion, and forgiveness all begin at home. If we are not these to ourselves, then how can we express these to others? We are all "works in progress" indeed!! And I truly believe that if/when we become "perfect" as humans then we'll perfectly forgive our relative imperfections, since it's not in the human evolutionary plan ever to be "perfect" in ways where we will cease to grow. Angels and Devas do hit perfection and remain in that forever. But we humans are another story entirely......

Hi Kerry - Doubt is one of the final fetters of the lower self, and is not easily overcome. So please don't give yourself too hard a time over having some residual doubt. Of course, doubt is not the same as a healthy skepticism about things that should be taken with a proverbial grain of salt - that's just Divine Discrimination at work. Also please stop believing that "all things are possible for me," since that's not a realistic way to approach your Divinity and special tasks to do in our world. We cannot be all things - we can only be the best we can be given the circumstances of our character and what we are willing to take on, and even that is tempered by the fact that we cannot be all we can imagine. For example, I cannot be who I am and do what I do and also be a big time musician and big time scientist and big time political analyst and big time anything else. They are somewhat mutually exclusive. So we can only be the best self we can be, and grow into other skills at the appropriate time.

Some things we could accomplish can only be fulfilled after a training period. Relationships are like that. I would rather have been "just friends" for 20 years with my current sweetheart than push something when we were younger and create patterns that would have influenced (or perhaps prevented) our current marriage, since neither of us had certain skills when younger that we do now. It's the same with abundance. While there were times I believed I needed a large amount of money and would have done the right thing, in hindsight I'd have made a mess of many things that I wouldn't today. And so then I wanted it and never received it, and now that I have it I can see the wisdom of what I had to learn in the intervening years so I wouldn't squander or waste it, regardless of how well intentioned I was at the time.

So I suppose it's somewhat of a perception issue, but also perhaps a need to surrender to process rather than judge what seems to be or not. Maybe good is happening, and you're getting impatient about why it seems not to be happening. Or maybe you're looking in the wrong place, or the wrong way, in which case stop judging what isn't happening and open to what you need to know to move in the "right" direction. You cannot believe in "intuitives" who are cheerleading you if you know that something isn't right, since your subconsciousness cannot be fooled in understanding what superconsciousness has in store for you. Only your self consciousness can get muddled through not understanding how superconsciousness and subconsciousness dance with each other.

Maybe you need to go back and re-read my recent post called "Remember." It may remind you why it's not good to judge yourself against anything you perceive, since no one else will ever have your particular destiny, timing, or ways and means of fulfillment. Aum and blessings.

[Kerry]

Thank you so much for putting the time and thought into the reply - it was helpful and I truly appreciate it.
Best,
Kerry

[caliban]

Robert, it really is all about brothers and sisters in the wider planetary family now. My parents, well, I am fortunate to have really known them, and at heart, I am very good with them. They were good teachers where it counted because they understood who I am too, maybe even better than I did.