When We Have A Misunderstanding or Difficulty With Someone, How Do We Know When "It's Not Our Fault?"

by Robert Wilkinson

With the aspects recently and currently in play, and the associated tensions of the conjunctions to Neptune setting the Grand Irrationality into motion in the recent past and near future, it seems to be affecting relationships in major ways. Many are ending, or phase shifting, leaving many disoriented or disappointed. Today we explore some things that may help those who are moving through such changes.

Given the larger tension in the atmosphere associated with Uranus square Pluto and the Grand Irrationality with other non-rational configuration darting in and out of manifestation, it’s no wonder that many are feeling a lot of uncertainty and confusion. And of course, many things happen in life that we don’t understand, since we don’t have perfect knowledge of who another is at the core of their being, or have much if any power to change their desires, frustrations, and hopes and dreams.

I first introduced what you’re about to read 3 years ago, and figured it would be a good time to revisit the article, updating it for current times while leaving the core principles which seem to cut across time and experience. Then, as now, it seemed to be a time when many relationships were changing in big ways. Many are ending through death or estrangement, giving us opportunities to get clear about what motivates each, as well as where the subconsciousness of each is at, which is ultimately strengthening to our integrity.

People play out roles in our lives, according to our and their intentions. Sometimes harmony is inherent, sometimes learned, and sometimes rejected, according to individual circumstances. Each acts of their free will to give or take within the relationship, and usually there are many hidden agendas, both known and unknown.

Never discount the possibility of inadvertence. Sometimes there may be conscious motive behind an action or what is said, but remember that many things occur as a result of a lack of conscious intent. Then the dance manifests showing the "law of unintended consequences" at work. Many problems arise as a result of a lack of clarity about priorities and how deeply each has been affected by past experiences.

Some difficulties in relationships arise from misunderstanding something about ourselves or another. Since we don't have perfect knowledge, we cannot and probably should not attribute "blame" to some of what happens, as often the frictions between people are simply another case of a human being crashing against another human being without meaning to. Some of what happens is preventable, some not so preventable, according to how much wisdom was distilled from prior experiences with similar elements.

There are mutual attractions that would work perfectly if only we were under different circumstances than the ones in which we find ourselves. Though we may be extraordinarily attracted to another, and they to us, it is important to remember that outer worldly pressures often intrude. These usually accompany inner transformational junctions, and show our weaknesses and our strengths.

Many times, one or both are not aware enough to say their decisions are made in full consciousness of the best possibilities for each and both. Generally, since people tend to operate from ego defenses, they do whatever they need to in the moment to relieve the pressure without thought to the ultimate causes and best response to those pressures.

When there are frictions, the best we can do is take the high road, while refusing to get jammed up around the choices another is making. Sometimes what's going on is truly not of our making, and there's little to nothing we can do about it. Then we have to figure out what is in our best interests and do that.

Eventually we learn how to be fluid at the hard edges of our interactions, and by knowing what blame or guilt we should not take on, we can lighten our load as well as whatever tensions are present in a given moment. If we don't yield to fear, blame, guilt, or shame, then we will not accept it from another nor project it on another. This frees us from falling prey to a host of other personality ills as well.

Since we are at a time of endings in the year cycle, perhaps the best approach offered by the "sign of the times" is to be as compassionate and forgiving as possible, of ourselves, others, and the whole generic human condition. When something's done it's done. As we recognize this, we can turn to the new life chapter that already awaits our consideration. From here we walk on…

© Copyright 2009, 2013 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[Dev T]

Can you please talk about saturn square to the sun? I'm Aqu/Leo rising, and coming into my first saturn return this november in scorpio, and saturn will also go retrograde and turn direct on my exact natal degree in may 2014. These are all fixed signs, and I'm having a really tough time the past couple days with saturn squaring my solar return today. I'm trying to figure out what it all means in the big picture to try to get through it... thanks.

[Morlokk]

Since we are at a time of endings in the year cycle, perhaps the best approach offered by the "sign of the times" is to be as compassionate and forgiving as possible, of ourselves, others, and the whole generic human condition. When something's done it's done. As we recognize this, we can turn to the new life chapter that already awaits our consideration. From here we walk on… ~ 1 thing that shall always be challenging no matter if one being an Enlightened Person among many who being Enlightened Personalities and that being any form of intimate relationships one has with one another..

In this current Age of Darkness with Grand Irrationality in full play know I that it being impossible to have any form of personal relationship, but know that I am happy as I am happy with myself and though I've presently no desire to hook up for foreseeable future I know that not mean that I not share life one day I with someone in this lifetime I..

Hopefully human beings in general shall be able to shed off old skin once we do enter New Lunar Year of the Snake and hopefully become so more enlightened about them self I during the course of next cycle I? We can only well it hope that they will awaken and also have so WILL..

Miracles can bloody so happen even world peace, if we collectively do have the bloody will it not bloody well being impossible, if YOU WILLS..

[debbie]

Nice :)

[AceStar]

excellent article my brother ... well explained thank you :))) GOD bless you

[lee]

Thanks, Robert. I have recently embraced a feeling of absolution over a relationship that ended, and am finding peace in letting go.

[Diana]

Can you give an update on the 2013 Reports? I'm eagerly awaiting my Gemini Report.
Thanks RW - you're the best!

[Diana]

Also, can you recommend a good Chinese astrology website? I'd like to get the 2013 Year of Snake outlook.

[Norm]

Robert, you never cease to amaze me with the way you have with words, my compliments. The thoughts and feelings I have on this subject, you just nailed, but I could never say it so eloquently. I think you have just made sense to many of us with the problems so many have in family, friends, and personal relationships.

[Catherine]

I agree, and this is VERY helpful, although, just to clarify, even
the I Ching assigns objective blame on occasion.
Just as Plato wrote that no one does evil willingly... Still blame is
attached to certain actions.
And, yet, you are right; we are asked/required to forgive, spiritually
speaking.
Even though we need to forgive and have compassion -- especially
because we ourselves have done much wrong wittingly or unwittingly --
I think is important to call evil "evil".
Typing this on my iPhone -- need to keep it short -- thanks, Robert!

[Ann]

Perfect timing as always Robert! Thank you very much for your very helpful words.

[Jeannie]

Thank you!! This article could not have been better timed. I was faced with these issues just today. And I took your advice in my response to them.

[Sabina]

Robert, this is an excellent article....helps me so much!

[Nancy Robinson]

Has been happening with self, and a few friends and family members. Like a cleaning out of sorts, yet new ones forming. Have come up against, several confrontations lately, and just followed my inner guidance, knowing, and voice. Mainly due to just being on a different operating system, and a system buster, and not a neurotypical. Turned out fine. Much gleaned and case studies to go along with it. Good suggestions and insights. Thanks!

[caliban]

I'm with Ann and Jeannie on this one, good timing for me too. Painful, but it was a pattern breaker this morning, and I am sure I will be relieved to be wiser when I am clear of the steam flowing from my ears. Walked into the same old trap with the person. Man oh man this stuff runs deep.