by Robert Wilkinson
In one of history's great ironies, two of the greatest beings of the 20th century were born on the same birthday, October 2. They both punctured imperialists and fascist thinking with every phrase they spoke, and each had an amazing sense of humor. A great example of the illumination power of the ridiculous and the sublime existing as one. Today we have some extraordinarily funny quotes!
In case you haven't figured it out yet, the "great Spirit," aka "Mahatma" Gandhi (2 October 1869 – 30 January 1948), and the great wit Groucho Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977) are both Libras born on October 2! As I've told you before, even though they were born 21 years and worlds apart, they had some important astrological similarities. Both had very sharp wits, both punctured imperialists and fascist thinking at every turn, and each had an amazing sense of humor.
We owe a lot to these two guys who changed our world so profoundly in different ways. Of course, neither of them had much use for authoritarians or Fascists of any stripe, and it's interesting to me that they each influenced millions during the same era. I suppose great Souls incarnate to answer the need of their times.
Groucho was a wit unlike any before or since, and as much of a cultural icon as anyone who ever raised his eyebrow or smoked a cigar. This was a guy who gave us some of the most memorable lines in history. Today we have some very funny quotes, including a few from Duck Soup, Groucho's most scathing anti-war, anti-dictator movie. So to brighten your day through wit and wisdom (and some very funny lines) that are sure to make you smile, HEEEEEERE'S GROUCHO!
From Duck Soup:
Groucho: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Zeppo: General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do.
Groucho: Tell him to take a teaspoonful of bicarbonate in half a glass of water.
Groucho: Do you realize our army's facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chico: I've done it already.
Groucho: You've done what?
Chico: I've changed to the other side.
Louis Calhern: I am willing to do anything to prevent this war.
Groucho: It's too late. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.
Groucho: If you think this country's bad off now, just wait till I get through with it.
Groucho: Why, a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head or tail out of it.
Edwin Maxwell : Sir, you try my patience!
Groucho: I don't mind if you do. You must come over and try mine some time.
Chico: I wouldn't go out there unless I was in one of those big iron things go up and down like this. What do you call those things?
Chico: You're welcome.
Here's more Groucho wit and wisdom courtesy of some of the funniest one liners ever created!
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8 to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy.
Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
Oh are you from Wales ?? Do you know a fella named Jonah ?? He used to live in whales for a while.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Time wounds all heels.
Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Tanks for the laughs, Groucho. As the Firesign Theater once proclaimed, "All Hail Marx and Lennon!" May we always have a wit who punctures the pompous elites and warmongers in our world that take themselves waaaaay too seriously.
ps - To add icing to this cake, today in 1967 the awesome Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as an associate justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, becoming the first black to serve on the Supremes.
© Copyright 2013 Robert Wilkinson