Overcoming Difficulty When You're Feeling Hopeless

by Robert Wilkinson

I recently got an email from someone feeling hopeless. They wrote "life in a standstill...no money... no marriage...no children... nothing has gone right for me... I am without a job....is there any hope in the future? Cause without health and money nothing really comes around... Should I move somewhere else? Will that change my destiny?" Since we all feel one or more of these things at least once in our life, today I'll share my response. Even if you're not in a state of difficulty, what I offer may help you to help others who are feeling hopeless for whatever reason.

They felt a lack of favorable aspects was oppressing them. The absence of trines doesn't mean a lack of understanding or harmonic flow in the chart, since all waxing squares in the natal chart become trines by progression, and waning squares become quintiles and sextiles. There is NO birthchart beyond hope.

ALL birth charts show aptitude, challenges to be overcome, and forms of personal mastery to be practiced. The toughest aspects, if we rise to the challenge of "right action," show us our power to triumph even in the midst of greatest adversity, since the outer form of things is much less important than our reaction to them and how we handle them.

There is no destiny except the one we create. Only two things are fated in this world. 1) To be born where you were when you were to the people you were, and 2) The timing on your life choices. Everything else is free will, or the lack of application of that free will. These are Saturn lessons usually confronted around 28-29 and 57-59 years of age, as well as points about 7 to 14 years from these points.

These points of challenge are when we learn that we control nothing except our ability to respond correctly, in action, thought, and feeling, to whatever presents itself to our 5 senses and our minds. When misapplied, or avoided, that creates the lesser karmas that plague us. Yet that power is awesome when applied to appropriate ends. We truly have the power to change our lives and the world around us if we're willing to walk whatever Truth is ours to manifest.

Yes there are tragedies, the "big K" Karmas that deal us a major wound that must be healed if we are to find joy and happiness in our time on Earth. Everybody goes through these, so again, it's nothing personal, per se. But dealing with these can bring forth a Divine Understanding whereby we demonstrate our Love, Wisdom, and Intelligence to our world, so that we bring forth good works and heal our less fortunate Brothers and Sisters who suffer the same "Divine afflictions." These are Sacred Wounds that through our healing process, lead us to the heart of compassion where we see our Oneness with all who live here on beautiful Earth.

Lower ego gets confused, panicked, fearful, since it is fundamentally not real. When we get into negative states, it's a clear sign to go immediately to your Higher Self and see what is confused and fearful as that which NEEDS to be dealt with, transmuted, and healed. Everything that has the power to make us feel "nothing has gone right for me" is the foundation of an illusion that must be unlearned if we are to live a fulfilling life.

No one can let go of negative thinking and feeling but us! Simply living with these negative thoughts and feelings merely magnetizes more of the same. They often result from too much attachment to past sorrows, which while real, should not be carried forward, since they impede one's ability to find lasting happiness.

When things seem like "nothing has gone right for me," two thoughts come to mind. 1) You're not seeing the bigger picture, and 2) You could be "pushing the river," i.e., doing the "wrong thing," or even the "right thing" but in the "wrong place." These are the result of allowing ego, one's own or another's, to cloud our ability to see the bigger picture, and do "the right thing in the right place at the right time." So how can we stop these unfortunate patterns and claim our happiness, power, effectiveness, and fulfillment?

First, see that you are at a potential beginning, even if you don't know what it going to look like. Try to stay focused that it's not the past, and not yet the future! Live in the Now, since this is truly the only time we can do or not do something. And if you knew what to do, you'd be doing it. So accept that you don't know, and are willing to learn whatever actions, thoughts, and feelings you can to experience a positive movement.

Judging the process too quickly is an unhelpful delusion of the lower ego. You are just beginning a journey out of darkness into light, ignorance into understanding, frustration into potential fulfillment. You have just planted seeds which begin to sprout instantly. You tugging on them to grow faster, or feeling hopeless because they aren't fully realized in a day or a week is useless, and may even impede your process, since impatience, judgments based on illusions, and vain imaginings are counterproductive.

Do not overidentify with what you've been given or denied, since everyone has the same experience of being given some things and denied others. We shouldn't be comparing ourselves to others, or some abstract standard we learned from others when we didn't know better. Life is never at a standstill unless we're not walking. Each has their Way to walk, and chooses how happy or unhappy they will be as they walk the Way.

There is no such thing as standstill, except temporarily. These are moments to reflect on how you want to fill the time than to be trapped by too much going on that isn't good. And all need to take moments of pause to correct their course, rest and regenerate, or simply enjoy the sweetness of Life in the Now. It is there if we're not preoccupied with lesser concerns. Open to the new, rather than get stuck in despair over the past, and what is or is not.

Accept the uniqueness of your path to Truth, and remember life on Earth is impermanent, as are all other forms. Money, jobs, friends,and all relationships are like air. We breathe in the air, and then must release it. When lungs are empty, we can fill them with air. When they are filled with stagnant air, there's nothing to do but empty them. Life's like that.

Same with everything else on Earth. That which is true for us sticks to us. That which is not true for us, or has become not true for us, vanishes into the mists of time. It is our job to understand what comes and what goes, without being thrown into attachment, aversion, delusions, or needless suffering.

We all need fertile ground in which to thrive. If we find ourselves on barren ground, sometimes we must move, whether we want to or not. If we don't know where to go, Spirit always sends us signals, but it is WE who must learn to pay attention and not get lost in gloomy or hopeless states of mind, since these feed a delusion that unfortunate mental and emotional states can bring us health, wealth, love, or perfect self-expression.

Ultimately, we must honor the goodness, truth, and beauty we are rather than focus on unhelpful things. This involves remembering we ARE Eternals who are having human experiences. We all have a body that has issues we must deal with. We all have feelings that need to be transmuted. We all have minds that need opening and a productive self-discipline. And we ALL are ALWAYS the Eternal Self that has the power to help the lower self come into harmony with the Higher Self, the Soul, and the Spirit. Welcome to being a human on Earth, which can be a pretty sweet place if you think about it. Everything depends on your point of view.

May Peace Be With You. Namaste.

© Copyright 2007 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[mm]

Well, it's helped me, Robert. Thank you.

[rachel]

Dear Robert,

You have painted such an evocative and poignant picture of the human experience. I contemplate your astrologically-based reflections (though, truly, they are much more expansive than that!) in conjunction with other transmissions regarding the significant vibrational shifts taking place on Earth at this very time.

Your statement, "Welcome to being a human on Earth, which can be a pretty sweet place if you think about it," is truly the crux of it All. Shifts in human consciousness, ascension to higher-dimensional forms of existence and awareness, and a deepening understanding that your "life" is such a grander experience than you have ever imagined, are neither abstract nor intellectual exercises.

Many of us who consider ourselves as healers of one form or another are releasing and healing Old Paradigm thoughtforms and ways of being on behalf of the entire Planet! This kind of spiritual heavy lifting is arduous and often must continue regardless of what your boss, your banker, or your family have to say about it.

From now until mid-June, All have the opportunity to leave behind once and for all, old attachments of ego, illusion, false security, dysfunctional relationships, childhood trauma, and so much more. As Robert points out in paragraph after paragraph, you can then refill these vacated areas with the new energy that is available for the pure-hearted whose highest-priority mission is simply to love.

I do not mean to sound glib. Like human birth itself, shedding the old and rebirthing into the New is messy and painful work in which the Birther, the Birthed, and the Birth itself, must surrender to a greater unfolding. While in our lower-vibration states, we often must be stripped, shattered, and fragmented in order to accelerate the process. In our third-dimension worldview, spring always follows winter; the dawn follows the darkest hour. Having been there, I know of what I speak.

Astrology is one highly valuable tool, but remember: Before you examine your chart, look more deeply into your heart. Robert is a skilled and compassion guide on this journey; heed him well.

rachel

[Robert]

Hi mm - Sure. This article came upon me suddenly, and I realized that what I was saying in the email might just help a few more. Aum.

Hi rachel - Thanks, and thanks again for your reminder that we're all being given opportunities every moment to become our highest ideal, whether we think it or not. And being human IS sweet. As per my recent posts, Roy Orbison, Willie Nelson, and Rick Nelson spring to mind, as do kitty cats, butterflies, hummingbirds, roses, gardenias, grapes and any number of other physical phenomena, including good company. And even when we're shattered, a great pizza always tastes awesome.

[Helen]

Hi Robert,

THANK YOU. Your article came at the right time. You showed Spirit working in action.

Having a grand trine in a natal chart doesn't mean an easy life. I knew of a case where a man had a grand trine in his chart. He lived in his parent's basement for his whole life and couldn't hold down a job for six months.

Another person I know has no squares in her chart. She told me that when life hits her, she doesn't know how to handle the stress.

Your chart is what you make it. Be grateful for what you have. I wouldn't trade my chart for anyone else's.

Peace,

Helen

[Aditya]

Hi Robert,

Aum Namah Shivaya!

I read your email and article at the Right Time in my life. I am making my own Destiny, always looking at the Big Picture while working towards it.

I also feel that some well intentioned, though not so knowledgeable astrologers frequently misinterpret our charts because they are so commercially motivated that they do not study our charts in Detail.

Whatever the case may be, It is our Destiny to Make.

Thank you so much for being there for us.

[Robert]

Hi Helen - Yes, I've know people with a lot of trines who had it so easy they never did rise to their highest potential, and conversely, my own chart has a lot of oppositions and squares and though I've had some major challenges this lifetime, I'd like to think they put starch in my spine and taught me how to think while persevering in "doing the right thing." It brings to mind the quote from Socrates: "If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own."

Hi Aditya - Glad you have realized your destiny is yours, and no one else's! You're right about commercial astrology and astrologers, though it could be said that most of them just didn't do their homework as they should. That's the disadvantage of jumping into the craft too quickly, and not taking the months and years to study. Of course, when one wants to charge for a service, it often creates a situation where one must appear to know what they're doing even if they don't. And yes, it IS our destiny to make.

[Phyllis]

There are many phrases to be coined in this enlightening article Robert. Every word touched a core deep within my soul. It was the perfect morning meditation for my spirit. Thank you very much. May GOD and the Universe forever bring goodness to you who touch so many. You are a living example of God in motion. Be well!

Phyllis

[Helen]

Hi Robert,

On the flipside, do you find that when things are going well it seems unnatural? That you can't handle it? I have no trines in my chart unless you call Mars trining MC a trine. Like you I feel now that my chart has given me also starch in my spine.

Again right article, right time for me.

Thanks for everything. I am so grateful for your wisdom.

Peace,

Helen

[Cindy]

So well written...worth keeping nearby and reading over again as a reminder of what this journey is about!
It reminded me of a passage from Osho that has helped me quite a bit...
"Never repress anything, be clear-cut about your situation. And if you are confused, remember that you are confused. This will be the first clear-cut thing about you: that you are confused. You have started on the journey."

[Pepper]

Hi Robert -- This article really came at the right moment. There are still so many of us reeling from 2005. Thanks again. Pepper

[Nandy]

Simply: Thank you, Robert.

I am breathing easier now as I remind myself 'We are Eternals who are havign a human experience'.

A big cosmic hug to you from me.

[Robert]

Hi Phyllis - Thanks for your kind words and blessing. I shall affirm that my words will continue to bring forth the highest response we are capable of.

Hi Helen - Well, my life often doesn't make much sense, so very little feels "natural." And even when I don't think I'm handling it well, I just surrender to doing my best and let Spirit sort it all out later.

Hi Cindy - Most of what I write does offer new insights later on, so by all means, print it out for further contemplation. Yes, those who are confused can be enlightened.

Hi Pepper - You're welcome, of course. Glad it can help. It felt like the right thing to post at this time.

Hi Nandy - Sure. Glad you're breathing easier. "Breathe and love and breathe and love and breathe and..."

[Alena]

Robert, you wright: "There is no destiny except the one we create. Only two things are fated in this world. 1) To be born where you were when you were to the people you were, and 2) The timing on your life choices." What do you meen by 2) The timing on your life choices? You meen we don't have a free choice? For example I get married nomatther what at this assigned time? Or I die at certain time and it does not matter if I live healthy lifestyle?
Thanx, really enjoyd your artical.
Alena

[sonja]

Hi Robert,

Good post and very helpful for putting the past several years in context. The Journey is a Wave and I've wiped out more often than not. I am starting to understand the stability of instability to the point that it is enjoyable though frightening at the same time. Everytime I wipe out, I get back on for another spin saying to myself, "NOW, I am awake", only to be proven wrong once again. Each time, though, I know that Spirit is there with me and we are both laughing so hard that it looks like crying when put into my human form. As you so eloquently say, then it is time to breath and Love and breath and Love and....

Jai Jai Ma!

[Robert]

Hi Alena - I mean that the timing on certain choices is predetermined. Not what choice we will make, as that is determined by us in the moment. In your example, you will be married when you choose to be married, or not. However, the timing on when you confront the need to choose is predetermined (even if there's no person proposing!) As for dying, I believe there are several points when we MAY check out. Everything depends on the choices we have made before then, to generate goodwill and good works or not, as well as our willingness in the "time of decision" to embrace new learning and service or not. Often a "healthy lifestyle" is less important in determining our moment of checking out than our willingness to embrace the higher purpose we are here to manifest.

Hi sonja - Life can be terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, so I know what you mean! It's why I often suggest that flexibility is a virtue in an Age in Transition. And you ARE awake every time you take a fall, as well as every time you renew the adventure. You're not "proven wrong," as much as shown life is a journey and the eternal fallibility of comfortable assumptions. You ARE "awake," even though there are things you may not have noticed. And life is a laugh, indeed! Jai Guru Deva, Aum....

[Aditya]

Hi Robert,

I was having a look at my natal chart. I can see a Grand Trine Between Conjunct Jupiter, Mercury, Moon in Early Pisces with Saturn in 28 Gemini and Uranus in 26 Libra.

I also have two T Squares
1. Sun Opp Pluto aspected by Saturn in 7th House(Cardinal)
2. Mars Opp Neptune aspected by the Conjunct Jup, Mer and Moo in 4th House(Mutable)

My question to you is that:
1. The empty leg of the 1st T square points to my First House in Sagittarius.
2. The empty leg of the 2nd T square points to my Tenth House in Virgo.

I know I have to look to my 1st and 10th House to resolve these squares. I hope it is not too much to ask you, What way should I focus on these two Houses?

Namaskarams

[Robert]

Hi Aditya - The houses are our life conditions; planets are our inner qualities, expressed through the lens of the signs. Saturn builds through the trines, expresses through the squares. The first house is self-image and way of viewing the world as a whole. It would imply through the dualities you must learn to manage the Sun-Pluto-Saturn hard lessons and come to humor, a larger vision, and embrace the adventures of Sag. The 10th house is honor, profession, and sense of how the public views you and what "flowers" you have to offer. Here your Pisces releases what understanding it has built into service, practicality, and perhaps a sense of public discipleship.

The first, get a larger view. The second, take care of details. Use humor to overcome any lurking sense of inferiority, freedom to overcome any sense of others undermining your sense of direction and what great truths you glimpse. Become more confident in your self-expression, and more practical in terms of where it's going to lead. Be practical in your sense of mission, and once oriented, do not allow others' criticisms or nit-picking to distract you or create a drifting needless detachment.

[charmie]

Dear Robert

THANK YOU for this enlightened and encouraging article. I"m going to read excerpts to my 9 year old son, a little Sag boy, who is fixated with whats' fair and not, and recalls pain from years ago as if they were happening today.

So please know that you're helping children as well as adults. Love this article, thanks so much.

Peace
Charmie

[Don]

Hey guys, hey Robert,

thanks for sharing everyone. I have felt hopeless and "lost" for large chunks of time in my life. Have often felt that my life is not my own, or that my own free will was in conflict to any direction I took.

My attitude has shifted lately, however. Through hard work, some sacrifice, support from my family/co-workers/you guys/Robert, and by "challenging" myself to be more thrifty, I found a wonderful apartment!

I am focusing on the here and now, and paying attention to making small personal decisions. This process is not easy for me because, well, old habits are old habits.

I whole heartedly hope that this post may help someone. My saturn and north node is in Virgo. It makes me feel happy posting this!

[Robert]

Hi charmie - Thanks for sharing that with me! Glad my words can help children as well as adults, since eventually they'll become adults, and if they can learn early not to yield to powerlessness and despair, then they'll be lights in their world. Again, thanks for checking in.

Hi Don - Glad you're not feeling so hopeless these days. You're seeing the fruits of the labor of trusting the larger process of your own self-unfoldment, and doing what it takes to come out of drifting into intention. Small decisions are the beginning of large decisions, so paying attention to the small ones guarantees you'll pay attention when making larger ones!

[H]

Hi all, this is a superb article Robert & i've enjoyed everyone's addtions. I spent the last 2 years in a space of fear & hopelessness yet this has blossomed into a whole new perspective.

Synchronistically i wrote a few things down the night prior to reading this article & it seemed apt to share...
Things i've learned to appreciate more deeply:-
*nature in it's entire & wonderful glory
*being free of regulation time
*all the people i know whom are all & each one angels... i am truly blessed
*silence
*all my feelings from joy to sadness as they foster growth
*the internet & it's ability to unite me with beings the world over sharing their wisdom, experience & love
*love
I'm sure there's so much more

Om Mani Padme Hum H

[Robert]

Hi H - Glad you're out of fear and hopelessness. Those states are not good ones to live with, to say the least. Your appreciations are fantastic. I agree with every one of them, and yes, I'm sure more will reveal themselves as you joyously walk your path to self-realization! Glad you made it to here. Aum Mani Padme Hum indeed!

[Myrtle B.]

For anyone struggling through a dark and difficult time of life, I share this, which has been true for me all my life: Darkest night heralds arrival of the dawn. No matter how ghastly, trying, depressing or grinding your path may be, it will not last forever. I see these pits of despair as the price I pay for the heights of joy and ecstasy that also are part of life. More accurately, these are extreme points of an overall repeating cycle, a wave that oscillates. Seeing this, I have a rock of trust to hold to when times are hard, the rock of knowing that hard times will pass and there will be good times again. Tides come in and tides go out, but it's ever the same ocean.

[Robert]

Hi Myrtle - What you say is true, which is why I remind everyone that all forms pass away, so there's no need to get attached to suffering one second longer than it takes to remember that. And eventually, our lowest lows are still higher than the highs we used to have before we opened to the incredible experience of being Eternals having our human experiences. And your last sentence is a brilliant straightforward way to describe our eternal experience wherever we are, in whatever form we choose to incarnate in, for however long that is. The great Maya is vast and all-encompassing!

[infinity]

Hi Robert,

Thanks for the chance to share. I do not wholly concur with the phrase, ... since everyone has the same experience of being given some things and denied others... It's a different story when talking with professional astrologers behind closed doors; there are definitely people who have a much tougher road to hoe than others. An simple example woud be a sag sun vs. one heavily saturnian. This happens with transits, as well. Say someone's saturn transit stays stationary exact for 4 months, or another's entire jupiter transit is opposed by retrograde mars. From an astrologer's standpoint, clients are told what they can handle, not necessarily the difficult truth. Another example, would be someone with many planets in the house of fate. Positive thinking doesn't change what must happen to them, only their view of it. I think it would actually help more if astrologer's took the risk and told the client what they see, without the filtering. Seems to me the client would grow and expand more readily and get past blocks quicker. What do you think? Thanks again for a wonderful site.

[Robert]

Hi infinity - We are all given some things and denied others. That phrase is self-evident. Just not the same things. But we all know the experience of receiving a portion of what we want, while being denied other portions. That's why we cannot afford to compare ourselves and our lot in life to anyone else. One ticket for each, one ride for each, and each has their own experience which have points of contact with others in our common human experience. For example, some are child-free, others are child-less, while others are given children, which some adore and some do not.

I am a professional astrologer who has spoken with thousands "behind closed doors" for over 35 years. As for "roads to hoe," those who see my chart know it is one of the toughest anyone could have, and my life experience bears that out; yet I have pursued my highest intention with integrity throughout it all, and come to a direct 24/7 awareness of myself as an Eternal having a human experience. We all share this challenge.

As for your examples, there are NO natal, progressed, or transiting positions that cannot be turned to good. Otherwise we give the illusion the power to discourage us and lead us into unfortunate behaviors and attitudes, which of course is natural but an illusion nonetheless. I have known evolved Sag Suns, as well as degraded ones; a heavy Saturn gives tremendous maturity and self discipline when we throw off the bonds that enslave us. Saturn has been on my Asc for almost two years, and put me through a strenuous rigor. Yet it is also indicative of my triumph over old ways of regarding myself that are no longer useful for life in the 21st century. This is true wisdom born of direct experience, the dominion that is the realm of Saturn.

As a professional astrologer who would like to believe I hold myself to the highest standards of the craft, I tell people the truth of what they can do to come out of mental slavery; I never confine myself to my opinion of "what they can handle," since who am I to make that judgment? Maybe the fact that they find me and hire me professionally is exactly the point in their evolution where they MUST rise to the challenge rather than stay ignorant of their opportunity to rise to their spiritual state, whatever that entails.

As for the "house of fate," there IS NO FATE EXCEPT THE ONE WE MAKE. If "character is destiny," then as we make our character we make our destiny. There are "sacred wounds," but these are where we find our authenticity and loving wisdom that we may serve others who suffer the same wounds. Our positioning or view entirely determines how long we suffer those things which seem to be "fated," while other times we completely neutralize old karmas by proactively moving into a higher state of Being. Then we don't suffer them at all, either in the present or the future. So our "fate," if there is one, is entirely determined by our choices. If I help someone be aware of their need to become less reckless now, then they won't have to suffer the results of recklessness down the road.

I am wary of those who purport to be "professional astrologers" telling anyone anything without filters, since that is unethical at best, and disastrous at worst, especially if they have no business passing themselves off as "professional astrologers." Just because they say they are "professional" does not mean they have the necessary spiritual awareness to be able to handle the karmic blowback for messing with someone's life and therefore karmas.

For example, I may see when someone is likely to die, but it is far better for me to counsel them how to live, since that could very well impact whether they actually do die at that point in time, or through spiritual realization re-set the clock on their time of death. Someone less evolved (or merely less compassionate) may just create a ton of unnecessary fear, despair, and wreckage. I may see when a person could be hammered or suffer a betrayal, but it is better for me to encourage them to move into a better future now, living their Highest Self and intention, than just dread what may or may not come. I am completely against astrologers, psychics, or anyone else putting superstitious fear-based imagery and pronouncements into anyone's consciousness. There's too much negativity in our world, and many counselors have too much of it influencing their view of things. What may be "true" for one may be unnecessarily cruel to another.

Again, THERE IS NOTHING FATED EXCEPT TWO THINGS: 1) To be born when and where we were to the people we were, and 2) The timing on our choices. Even our most difficult experiences are only challenges for us to BE our Higher Self. That, dear infinity, is the truth of the human condition, regardless of our chart, or circumstances, or anything else. And of course, you are most welcome.

[Aditya]

I agree with what you say Robert. I feel the cosmos gives us ways to overcome our shortcomings. It would be better to give an example of what I am thinking.
Take Danny DeVito for instance, he probably didn't cry over his shortcomings(no pun intended). No! he went and used his magnetic personality or something else within to get where he is now.
I have not done any research on him but this is the way i see it. I see it because i also had to overcome a negative aspect of my physical self by being positive. And it works very well.

Namaskarams

[Robert]

Hi Aditya - You are living proof of the power of higher intention, if your past comments are indicative of where you've been and where you're at. There are many instances of people with severe or crippling physical and psychological ailments that have triumphed and become cultural icons and even beings of great wisdom. John Lennon springs to mind. And I also had to "overcome a negative aspect of my physical self" to come to my current state of compassion and wisdom, regardless of how perfectly or imperfectly I express these. Namaskar indeed!

[Aditya]

I have used the power of higher intention all my life Robert. Last couple of years though, I faced so many hardships that i was on the verge of surrending myself to negativity. Till I met you through this Blog, that is.
Scorpio 12th House with Ruler Pluto in 11th House Libra(5deg).
Aquarius 3rd House with Ruler Uranus in 11th House Libra(26deg).

You may be surprised, but at the moment you are the only Friend I have.

Namaskarams

[Robert]

Hi Aditya - Glad I could be of service. And I'm sure you can make many more friends if you send out the signal. Just realize they'll be very Uranian and/or Plutonian! At least the Libra can make it fun. Aum......

[infinity]

Thanks, Robert, for explaining to us the best way to handle fate related material. You did it in a refreshing way that makes for easier contemplation.
Bravo!

[Robert]

Hi again infinity - Sure. It is the cantina, after all.

[Tara]

Dear Robert,

This I read when you first posted it in June and I had thought I would write just to let you know and the reader who had written in know that I too have been there - as I am sure many of your readers have too - where I had no job, no home, no partner, no children, the beginning of a hostile divorce, all of this in my mid 40s. What I did have at the time was the knowledge - yes, knowledge - that I would be able to get past it, difficult as it was, but it was up to me to make it happen. I had to listen - close your ears and listen with your heart, someone wise had said and I had been trying to do exactly that. I had been grieving the death of a long marriage when I first wrote in response to one of your posts in late March of last year. I was so wrapped up in my own concerns that I could not at the time understand that you had lost your child, Robert. That is a heartwound like no other and my heart goes out not only to your loss but also to your deep wisdom and the infinite love for your daughter.

A couple of months after I had written to you, in May, as I turned off my bedside lamp after my nightly reading - a wonderful book called Lessons From The Dying by Rodney Smith - my head touched the pillow and the thought occurred to me that 'it was ok' - and a smile came to me, most unexpectedly. It was without volition, the smile and the thought - the knowledge. Materially, little was ok, but I knew, I knew somewhere in my being, that it WAS ok. And the sense of being an integral, indivisible part of the universe has since remained with me. Such blessings come unbidden, in the quiet of solitude, and to the listening heart.

I completely agree with you that each of us has a unique life, none comparable with another, and this life is about flowering into that uniqueness. Each finding our path, that is the dharma.

Today, outwardly, my life is not terribly different from when I turned off that lamp after reading in bed, but I know and the universe knows that I have stepped into something precious, the people I have met have been almost fated to be in my path, the wisdom that has placed itself in my embrace is no less fated - recall your comment on how the timing of our choices is beyond our choosing. I regret none of the choices I have made, including those that have been unwise ones, since they have been instrumental in bringing me to wherever I am today. And it is a delightfully blessed place to be. In new ways I have learned to let love manifest - no I do not have a partner - and in new ways I have learned to recognise that when life happens there is no why, it just is.

Intention plays a large role in how life visits us. I have to say that I had been ready to lose everything - and everyone - when I stepped out of the life I used to know and the most unexpected gift has been this continuing blessing in the form of the people who have stayed in my life and the new people who are now part of it.

Materially, my life is far from enviable, and I am forging my path with each new day, and it is apparent to me that despite what the planetary influences may be, the choice remains mine and the energy I let manifest is what will take me forward or keep me stuck in sludge. Once that is known, there is only one way to be and to live. When fear is befriended, courage becomes our companion. It is a daily negotiation, and each morning, when I struggle out of bed and head off into the morning commute, I am in the material necessity of making it to work on time; and each morning, each lovely morning, when daybreak or sunrise or rain greets my continually surprised eye, I smile at the universe and I give thanks for what is, and suddenly the cares of the world go away for long enough for me to drink my fill of the bounty we so often forget to take into account. I have heard the universe laugh at many a foolish expectation of mine, and I have also seen how in countless ways the universe has been paying attention and I once again have learned that we each have a guardian angel in the vastness.

I give thanks for this every day. It has been a wonderful ride - the other great treasure that has opened up to me is the ability to laugh, a true belly laugh, heartfelt and hearthwhole. Tears have not ceased, although they have for the most part been transmuted into tears of recognition of the fullness that life is and how much we are taken care of by the vastness that is within us.

Thank you, Robert, for this forum and for your continued presence for your readers. I hear your laughter too.

Tara

[Robert]

Hi Tara - Thanks for your kind words. This is a forum where we can support each other through exploring the Wisdom, the Way, and the Community. Our human experience has more commonality than we usually suspect, and we can find strength and positive solutions to life's problems by sharing our stories. Knowledge is everything, as long as we act on it based in our integrity, which of course is found by listening to our heart.

Everyone is an expert regarding their own grief, and all deaths of loved ones hurts as bad as anything ever could. Thanks for your acknowledgment of my daughter. She changed me forever for the better, though the first years were beyond tough. Shipwrecked in hell is about the only true descriptor. And of course, when you move through the grief work process (not the same as just feeling badly!) then at some point one does realize that "it's all okay," regardless of appearances or temporary circumstances. And yes, it's due to us being an "integral, indivisible part of the universe" which can never be forgotten once remembered. You of course have found the blessing of solitude, where we learn to listen to the still small inner voice of our Eternal Self.

A lot of human suffering and discontent comes from comparing our apparent circumstances with others' apparent circumstances. We each have our unique song to sing, and each reaches relative fulfillment at the appointed season. That may be the true flower of wisdom that we find in our experiences both unique and shared.

Sometimes I think that regardless of how ridiculous our decisions, we still find ourselves exactly where we're supposed to be. And of course, many things must be chalked up to "it seemed like a good idea at the time." Maybe we could choose "the road less traveled" and spare ourselves a lot of headache and heartbreak, but if we are ignorant of a thing, then we must learn about it one way or another, and it seems some things cannot be learned the easy way.

Intention may bring pleasure or pain, but it always yields wisdom if we pay attention. And of course, fear is pandemic, and so we are continually challenged to have and show courage, even when we don't know what we're doing or why. Right now it seems appreciation and gratitude are great tools to use in negotiating our daily lives, and I believe they are building qualities in our "spiritual" vehicles that we will use in the not-too-distant future. And of course, since "God" loves gratitude, it's always good to acknowledge our blessings, since that begets more blessings we can be grateful for down the road. And it's very good to be grateful for the work our Angels do, since they are sentient beings who assist us whether we're aware of it or not. There are many types and compositions of tears, and each is indicative of our path to wisdom, compassion, dispassion, forgiveness, as well as what we can be grateful for as we dance and rejoice in this impermanent reality. Truly, you've found your way to the heart of awareness when you say you've experienced "recognition of the fullness that life is and how much we are taken care of by the vastness that is within us." Bravo! And of course, you're welcome. The proprietor of this establishment loves his community.