How To End Behavior Patterns We Don't Want

by Robert Wilkinson

From time to time we all get caught in unfortunate and unhelpful responses. We all have acted out behaviors and felt bad after the fact for doing so, and wondered why we didn't react differently. While this is a natural part of being human, (20-20 hindsight is like that!) it's also safe to say that it's always good to redirect negative responses to more positive ones. I've found there is a four step process for doing that.

I recently received an email from a friend and client who reminded me of the process, having read an article I did a couple of years ago on this subject. Funny how some things happen in clusters! I have noticed several others also dealing with this exact subject right now, so I suppose redirecting unhelpful responses to helpful responses is in the air during this time of the intensely difficult Cardinal T-square.

Going back through the archives, I found the article outlining the four stage process of transmuting negative (or ineffective) responses to positive ones, which I'll offer for your consideration today. It is a process of moving from unconsciousness, instinct, and reactivity to conscious choice in effective responses, or even effective non-response if there's nothing to be said or done.

This is very helpful when we are confronting people who are consciously or unconsciously trying to bait us into reacting to their negative agenda, or even when we realize we have buttons that are being pushed when we're in certain circumstances. We've all dealt with feeling like we could have or should have responded differently to some things and people. The process I'll offer today shows us how to program that into our consciousness, and so release ourselves from reacting unconsciously and/or ineffectively.

It's really simple, though it does require discipline and mindfulness. I discovered this on my own many years ago, and it works for everyone willing to give it a try. Even mastering part of the process produces great results. So if you want to become more aware of how not to go where you don't need to go with certain people, this is definitely for you!

For your renewed consideration, here's

How To Stop Bad Feelings, Habits and Behaviors

Enjoy taking command of your physical, emotional, and mental vehicle. Once you learn this technique, you'll be able to redirect all kinds of situations toward more positive outcomes (or at the very least not make them worse!)

© Copyright 2010 Robert Wilkinson

ps - Thanks to the one who inspired me to re-post this. You know who you are. And congrats on your graduation into a new realm of Being!

Comments

[Grateful Reader]

thank you - what great timing for this.
always enjoy reading your articles and posts, robert. thank you for all the wisdom, care and light!

[Johanna Wingert]

Dear Robert,
I read someone like Susan Miller who month to month leaves you hanging and gives you hope only to dash you with yet another catastrophe waiting to happen. I do believe the planets affect us yet I do believe that we have some ability to counter act this. Otherwise we are just pawns in the hands of fate. Thank you for your helpful words to change oneself.

[Lyndi]

I just found your website this morning and the blessing abound. Even though I am not deep into the language of astroloy, I am an energy consultant and my personal being understands all of what you have to say through the vibrations that my body goes through.
As for Susan Miller she is not one of us in the sense of moving forward in our way of thinking, the does the job for those who want answers not insight.
Thank you for being who you are.

[marie]

Amazing Robert, lately alot of the people around me closest to me for many years are acknowledging the fact that they have been goading me into some kind of aggressive responses. While I sometimes feel the anger, I am too strong to fall for it though it does hurt me that they doubt me and cannot seem to level with me.
I currently am trying to deal with someone who I today realise may be a borderline personality with severe paranoia and does things to test me, test my word and occasionaly lies outright without even trying to cover it up. How do you keep a relationship with someone like this, can they get over it or will the tempatation to help them just serve them keeping their patterns?
Saturn in Libra! A long road ahead for this Libran:))

[Tracy Lee Stum]

Wow, perfect timing, as mentioned above. This has been part of my expanding consciousness lately as I feel I am being 'tested' in this area. Every little bit of support helps and thanks for reaffirming that yes, practice makes perfect!

[Morvah]

Infinite detachment - I could seriously use some of that! Uranus and Jupiter still hovering around my Sun showing a glimpse of how it could be, while Saturn,Mars and Pluto provide infinite provocation! Thank you for reposting this- needless to say, I had forgotten it and have had to run for the hills, quite literally, a few times of late in order to touch base and calm myself as I am attracting some real beauties (don't ask!)
Hope you and yours, are weathering the wildness ok.
Shanti

[Tarallo]

Hi Robert, all I can say is THANK YOU...

This is incredible help for anyone at any time, but I feel like this post touched me especially, considering what I've been dealing with since last year and is still in process.

Although I know these aspects are a part of my natal story and completely necessary for growth it hasn't been easy and to say I hardly recognize my self sometimes is an understatement....

Transiting Pluto square natal moon

Transiting Pluto almost exactly conjunct natal sun

Transiting Saturn in the 2 house opposing natal moon in the 8th

with natal mars square natal moon, I can be already be very volcanic, but this has been a whole other story..

If anyone reading this wants to say a silent prayer for those of us needing it.

I ask for courage and strength to endure

[Morvah]

Consider it said Tarallo.

[Tarallo]

Thank you Morvah! Blessings

[Ursula]

Thankyou Robert for this wonderful post, I found it Googling for the significance of the cosmic cross/T square at this time ( I've visited your site many times before) .....While I find your steps really great......I just wanted to add a little something..........about 23 years ago with the dawn of the harmonic convergence spirit guided me towards a process whereby I learnt to do exactly what your 4 step process says....except for one difference, at the point of noticing a triggered emotional response I would attune myself to the in-body feeling and then begin a conversation with it..( so here I have learned to leave the exchange in the here and now, though to all intents and purposes you would think I was still involved, I am not) ..please give me a sign that represents what you are? Being verbally inclined it was usually a word, later images came, sometimes colors, events!! Then I would ask, when and where did you first turn up in my life? Immediately scenes, scenarios, at first just this life but then previous ones came..sometimes even archetypal ones..I was witness to the birth of an "issue"....shall we say, misperception of events birthing a less than useful/truthful emotional decision. Then I would relive the event inspiring my then response, deduction or conclusion with a NOW new wiser more spiritually evolved choice, given what I have learnt since then....( a la if I only knew then what I know now) .....I would take whatever action in that reality I failed to take and needed to take........last but DEFINITELY not least.....I would ask for the wisdom, the learning and the deeper understanding this soul driven divergence in my path furnished me with.....since being given this wonderful way of finding, embracing, processing and releasing negatively inclined discomforts and even pain in my emotional state .........I have practised it 24/7 for the last 20 years....it is my way of life now.

I found that by harvesting these emotional states in disrepair I have been able to mine a huge treasure of opportunities to see, grow, understand and evolve and now.........my dispassionate approach to life is far more based on the choices I have the wherewithall to make. I can consciously choose without guilt what I AM interested in and what I a NOT at all interested in. I get to preserve passion in my life by knowing I have not control....rather wise guidance in terms of what to leave alone and what to get involved in. Also I have noticed that my ability to mine pain for it's beauty means the upheavals and emotionally charged potential in my life has significantly reduced. WHY?? because it takes nothing at all to get my attention and so no need for the big bang!!

Cheers Thanks for your wonderful site and thanks for you!! Ursula