What Is Our Soul Group and How To Forgive Abusive People - Pt. 2

by Robert Wilkinson

In Part 1 we explored some ideas about Soul groups, and whether an abusive family member could be a part of that group. Today we'll continue to probe the subject of just how much choice we have regarding who we are with, what we do and do not have to accept, and how to break the link between pain and suffering.

Even if you've already read part one, you may want to re-read it before continuing with this one, since these two were composed as one piece. I realized together they were too long for a single post, and that's the only reason I split them in two.

Are We Getting Closer or More Distant?

Our journey to ever-greater Self-realization is eternal. We find our existence in many frequencies of energy, some more material than others. Any time pure Higher Consciousness moves into dealing with forms in a dual reality, we make choices. In our lives, we make choices that lead to higher awareness, or into loss of the Eternal in the impermanent forms stimulating lower desires and thoughts.

As Radiant Magnetic Eternal Beings, our choices when we're here determine who we're going to be close to in the future, or who we move away from. This is definitely influenced by the choices others make as they interact with us and others.

This is why habits in action, feeling, and thought are so important. As habits are formed, for good or ill, we set up patterns of future activity. By their habits human beings either move into their Higher Self, or get lost in unfortunate behaviors that will inevitably lead to regret once the curtain of ignorance is torn down. Knowing and mastering the desire mind is the key to understanding how to choose wisely.

Forgiving the Sources of Abuse

When people in a family abuse each other by whatever means, or when we are abused by one who we thought was our friend, it arises from the choice of the abuser to externalize that behavior. While I agree that we must come to true peace and forgiveness toward those who have abused us, it does not make it right that it happened to begin with, nor does it mean we should believe it taught us much of anything. We do not have to go to jail to know we don't need to be there.

We are here to learn what is venerable, what is worthy, what evokes our highest ideas and feelings and actions. Abuse does not further these. While I agree we're all learning to come to a measure of peace and forgiveness in our lives, we can learn these best through beneficial interactions. And we can come to peace and forgiveness easier in the face of inadvertent well-meant misguided behavior than those things which were not necessary to begin with.

We are here to learn how to forgive consciously those things we suffer as a result of karma. But karma is not linear in the sense that an abused person may have abused others in previous times. Karma is created, perpetuated, or destroyed by a being's choices. An abuser is under no law to perpetuate abuse in any given moment.

That's why regarding abuse, I believe true forgiveness can only arise once the abusive behavior stops. As long as the abuse continues, then what is there to forgive? At that point the lesson is not to allow kindness and compassion to be taken for weakness.

Lost in Darkness or Lost in Love?

All personalities must advance to craft a Higher Self so the light, love, and intelligence of the Soul can shine forth. Some beings choose to ignore the task, and stay lost in destructive behavior. Due to that divergence of spiritual goal-fitness, some beings are no longer part of our Soul group once this time on Earth is done.

I don't believe a Soul has much work to do except love. That's eternal. It's not the Soul that "moves up." It's the personality. And that is entirely within our power, and the only game in town. Those who willfully do not rise to the lessons of becoming better people than they were in the past are indulging in an illusion. This is a form of "spiritual juvenile delinquency" in its worst form, since the being knows better, but refuses to grow.

So to say a being is not "at fault," for their bad behavior, or that they "can't help it," is also an illusion. (I realize there are probably exceptions for those with severe brain chemical imbalances, but that’s not what we are speaking of here.)

So I suppose we can say that except for some who are unable to function normally in our reality due to severe chemical or neural brain malfunctions, a being's choices are entirely up to them. Here the concept of “functional intention” is important. It's one thing when a being is ignorant, but willing to learn. Deliberately hurtful behavior is another things entirely.

When a being deliberately chooses to be hurtful instead of helpful, dishonest instead of honest, cowardly instead of courageous, irresolute instead of self-disciplined, and abusive rather than loving, they are on a path of self-loss in that which has no permanence. This is not necessary for anyone's Soul recognition, and contrary to their task of Soul-personality development.

If we are the recipient of abuse, it's not our fault they chose that behavior. But it is our task to recognize abuse and stop it whenever and wherever it rears its ugly head. Abuse is not helpful to our development, and withers the Soul-personality connection. Some human behaviors must be stopped forever if the race is to evolve into its higher potential.

To reiterate an important point. While we can find love and forgiveness toward those who have abused us, that's not to excuse the abuse, or say it was necessary to begin with. Perhaps a Gandhi arises from an abusive situation once in a great while, but again, how many Gandhis could arise if given better circumstances in which to unveil that potential?

Lessons To Learn As We Remember Who We Want To Dance With

I do believe we need to come to a dispassionate view of those who have abused us so we can find genuine compassion for the common abuses done to others. I also believe we need to come to a radical detachment from negative judgments, the suffering over memories of suffering, as well as reject the illusion that we have somehow invited those who have abused us to do so in order to learn some supposed "spiritual" lesson.

Perhaps the only lesson is that abuse is not helpful for anything in any useful sense. We do not need abuse to learn discrimination that helps us come to know what is real and what is unreal, what is darkness and what is light, what is death and what is immortality.

All that said, the last World Teacher suffered abuse, both when He walked as well as the abuse done in His name in the centuries since His passing. Perhaps this indicates that dealing with abuse and abusers may have been part of our global lesson for many generations.

However, while we can come to much compassion through breaking the link between pain and suffering, even that is not the ultimate ideal, and it doesn't mean it's a part of the future teaching. There are certainly more "spiritual" ways to be than the past and present abusive patterns humanity has demonstrated up to now.

It's always good to view others as Soul-Beings learning what they're learning. It's always good to stop abuse, as well as forgive the abuse done to us, whether deliberately or inadvertently. And it's always good to be with others who love us, venerate what is venerable, with whom we can find joy, celebration, connectedness, and community.

That's our true Soul group. And each volunteers for that, every day, every year, every lifetime.

Copyright © 2010, 2012 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[Debbie Eastick]

I personally choose to see the courage and strength of those who rise above abuse rather than see them as victims. Namaste

[rogue12]

well said.

[Nicolas]

You explained complicated things in a very clear manner. A true gift. Abused should never feel as victims or responsible for the abused they received. There is no excuse for abuse. Not karma or any supposed lesson to be learn are behind abuse. It is a wrong choice by another being. The abused should always remember that they are not what they felt and experience by the situation, but greater light and love beings with all their dignity and deeper wholeness untouched. They are not determined or negleted anything that is good in life. They can over come whatever they are feeling or felt, thinking or thought and move on to a wonderful loving life. As for the abuser..... Such behaviours must be stoped and dealt with, and let life, destiny, or faith as you please, do the rest.

[laura]

such a lesson you gave us with these two posts should be published in books and taught in schools

[gaye]

When we look at outer abusive behaviour at some point there comes a time to watch the thoughts and the tone packaging the thoughts that are generated within self and directed at self. Then we get to learn to meet that self abuse, watch it, not push it away.....with awareness we can consciously make choices - releasing by simply observing when abusive outworn beliefs and patterns that ramble through our mind and not reacting and acting from them. Really lovely posts Robert.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=4302060]

The way you fiercely yet compassionately dove into these complexities is admirable, and the timing of this wisdom is exquisite. I am grateful for the insight into discerning growth from unnecessary suffering. I have grappled with this for years. And it has come to a perplexing head just this week.

[shinis]

This post (along with all others)is incredible. I marvel at the fact that there are people out there that think this way and live their lives by credos such as this Robert. (pls. excuse my grammar English is not my mother tongue.) I do try to maintain some level of understanding and compassion, and try not be succumb to the victim mode of thought, its getting better with time. after all this is not something that I can talk to anyone about, its something I am figuring out on my own as I go along. - uncharted territory. I cant really get a self help manual on this suject (yet). I am aware that I have not invited on any level conscious or subconscious this experience. YET at times my soul tells me it is unfinished business from the past. I hope that all transactions will soon be over, and that I will be (karmic) debt free from this situation. I trust my soul and what it is telling me. Robert your insight and compassion and clarity are astounding- yet there is one aspect, that will be hard for you to relate to (in this lifetime)- the female experience. With this earthly life comes a body, and to (woman or man) her body is sacred territory but as a female I feel that any violation of my body, is an attack on my soul. This feeling is on a deeper level than hurt caused by physical abuse.though abuse is horrific, mentally, emotionally, and physically, it is that deeper sense of violation that is most hurtful and destructive. i believe, ultimately it will carry over to other lifetimes as well. I'm just rambling now.
Like you say the mischief maker will reap what he sows, but i certainly dont wish this experience on anyone -even my perpetrator. I just hope with all my heart that he halts this now and lives the life he writes so prolifically about. One of love , compassion light joy and beauty. If he can conceptualize it, create it, write about it publish it preach and teach it he should (in theory) live it.Once again Robert -isthuthi (thanks) great blog. peace to you and all your readers. (too bad he does not read this blog)

[Robert]

Hi all - I'll answer your comments later. Right now I'm watching A Passage to India.

Hi shinis - Thanks for checking back in. I will try to offer something in greater depth later, perhaps in an email. That said, I know full well the sorrow, pain, and outrage that women suffer at the hands of men of lesser merit and unworthy intentions. I will not go into such personal things, but rest assured I know first hand the damage that the beings perpetrate on good people. These too will pass, whether because we raise the "golden thread" out of the muck into the Light, or whether they go into their own death spiral due to a lack of integrity. Ask Divine Mother for the protection you desire, and it WILL be granted almost before you can take another breath. She is the Lady of the Century, and all Shivaic beings must pay homage or be doomed to eternal winter.

[Kay]

I have used with tremendous effect a decree that was given to me 20 years ago, I offer it here to those whom it would benefit:

" I call upon Archangel Michael, to cut ALL ties and cords to people, places, situations, forms and matter that do not serve my higher purpose, and to protect me at all times night and day with his blue cloak of protective light"

With love......

[Claudia]

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, "I don't care a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity, but would die for simplicity on the other side."

I've extricated myself from more than one abusive relationship in my life by answering this question: "Overall has this person made a positive contribution to the quality of my life?" The answer will make the course of action clear.

[Sherry]

Thank you very much for this piece. it is very helpful to me bc I am an Aquarius 12H Sun and 6 H Moon.
I have lifelong difficulty distinguishing true wrongs done to me. I am always willing to serve humanity, often making up excuses for what I'm finally learning is just plain ad behavior.
Your clear explanations here add a lot of clarity to my foggy sense of what to consider reasonable behavior from others.

[caliban]

The only message I am getting from the abuser these days is, "stay away from me." Why ever do they come back? It's a quandry.

I do believe there is a difference between forgiveness and letting the abuser back in.

[llin]

The notion of 'all things arise together spontaneously' seems key in this. As my life progresses and I cycle through event/astrological repetitions, I naturally gain insights into past abuses and my part in them, often in spite of understanding or behaviours I have adopted.
The fact is, abuse, one's own error and folly, hurt. This has to be felt enough before the instinct to survive and heal kicks in, like the first gasp for air after birth. In some people this reflex doesn't work as well...in talking of 'victims', we often judge and really are frustrated ourselves wanting to push them into behaviour we think we know is right rather than trusting their process as different from ours. Often this thinking exposes an area of ourselves we are yet to recognise and forgive. In fact, being in the presence of someone I feel at some level isn't wanting to 'let me be' can awaken the donkey of my stubborn, anti-soul stuff! 'If you see Buddha on the road Kill Him' style.
None of us deserve humiliation and pain - sometimes in experiencing it we learn that - we don't however, need that experience to learn it. That is a frequently held misbelief. When we no longer believe that, it naturally expresses itself in our behaviour with others.Trust and forgiveness must always be of oneself first and takes a lifetime of learning what that means.

[bouruneda]

yes i agree with Caliban. there is a difference. I will never confuse the two again. thanks.