Some Thoughts About Relationships and Friendships

by Robert Wilkinson

Life is funny. Throughout our lives we are in continuous interactions with others. This includes the people we meet in social interactions, both business and personal, the people we choose to hang with, and the people we have karma with and so meet as part of our Hero’s Journey through this life.

While not all of those we interact could become friends (for whatever reasons), there are always those with whom we could cultivate a friendship. I believe cultivating a friendship is the only solid foundation for any potential partnership or marriage. This involves finding what you share and enjoy in common. That way you’ll know quickly where another’s head and/or heart is at.

While it’s a given that we all bring baggage to each interaction, that baggage does not have to be a hindrance to cultivating a friendship. A friendship is mutual. How another values our friendship, and how much we value theirs, eventually shows us very clearly how close we can be.

So what is friendship? Think of your true friends. They may have disagreed with you, but never made you feel slimy or used. They may have busted you on some part of your personality, but they never did so with a hurtful intention or a need to make you feel humiliated. Your true friends were always straight with you, since true friendship always involves heart, integrity, honesty, respect, and willingness to be creative in how each contributes to the common joy.

I believe that a friend never undermines you. A friend never makes you feel like you are unworthy. A friend never bullies you. A friend is always kind to you, even if they must be firm in challenging a pattern in acting, feeling, or thinking that would kill the relationship over the long haul.

So any close relationship, whether casual or serious, whether long or short term, must be founded on friendship. That’s not to say that you will necessarily agree on a lot of things, or even have the same approach to the problems and solutions for stressful life circumstances. But there will be mutual beneficial interests, and ideally each is at ease with the other regardless of the differences. And each will see that it is their best interests to continue the friendship.

This holds true for anyone we might marry. As most of you know, I firmly believe that all marriages must be founded on friendship. I articulated some points in the article The Square of Right Relations.

To sum up the main premise, are they good to you and for you? Are you good to them and for them? These are known by what’s happening between the two of you. We all can know if we’re good for someone and they’re good for us.

There’s the chemistry factor. Sometimes people are attracted to each other, but the combination may not work out well over time. This is true if one is going higher and deeper into their spiritual life and practice while the other is going deeper into materialism and worldly things. Then even fantastic combinations of planets and signs cannot prevent a train wreck.

Sometimes people with complementary skills and interests come together. This can make for a very fulfilling relationship. Just remember that when we’re of that age and inclination, it’s easier to find a lover than a friend. So if the intimacy would mess up the friendship, then it’s probably best not to go there while maintaining what the friendship was originally based on, and what it has come to be.

Each must be free to express their own voice. Each must be allowed the space to grow in their interactions with others in their world. Each must be able to respect their truths as well as the other’s truths.

Love is an aspect of our Eternal nature. If we are Eternal Soul-Spirits who will be growing into a greater Love, Wisdom, and Intelligent Action as long as we incarnate on Earth, then learning how to give and receive these as part of our eternal Path to Higher Awareness is one of the most important things we could ever develop. And because we have absolute freedom to choose our course in every moment of our existence, then after a while it becomes easier through practice to give and receive love, knowing what it is and what it is not.

Love and friendship are of the heart, as well as the mind. And a true friend is worth more than all the gold ever mined.

© Copyright 2013 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[Behta Petgar-Abawi]

Great words of love and wisdom. I couldn't agree with you more.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Robert,
I greatly needed to hear this right now.
Thank You!
Elizabeth

[caliban]

One of the things with being comfortable everywhere and anywhere, is that it can make other people really uncomfortable sometimes. I think I need to understand that.

I always really loved people in general. I miss that now. I was reading something about the spiritual path that stated when a person becomes more self aware of themselves which includes faults, the person starts to notice faults in others too. The writer said that I don't have to like them but I can still love them. I imagine that's not 'I need you I want you I have to have you love', or 'awwww so warm and fuzzy and cute love, or 'I really love this burrito love'. I'd liken it to acceptance?? I am not so clear on how to do that because I get sucked into the pain of it sometimes. I sometimes, more often than not, leave the situation.

But friends are the best. Don't have to be concerned with any of that other stuff. It's all good.

[alix]

Thank you for this!

[Micheline]

I completely agree!!!!