What Is Our Soul Group and How To Forgive Abusive People - Pt. 2

by Robert Wilkinson

In Part 1 we explored some ideas about Soul groups, and whether an abusive family member could be a part of that group. Today we'll continue to probe the subject of just how much choice we have regarding who we are with, what we do and do not have to accept, and how to break the link between pain and suffering.

Even if you've already read part one, if you have the time you may want to re-read it before continuing with this one, since these two were composed as one piece. I realized together they were too long for a single post, and that's the only reason I split them in two. As a whole body of work, there is much to contemplate that may open doors of perception.

Are We Getting Closer or More Distant?

Our journey to ever-greater Self-realization is eternal. We will be exploring, learning, and applying our realizations in our field of existence for many years and lives to come. Our nature is Love-Wisdom, and when we’re doing our Being, we’re demonstrating Intelligence in Action.

We find our existence in many frequencies of energy, some more material than others. We have known an existence in many fields of life and matter. This material creation is entirely impermanent, and completely dualistic.

Any time pure Higher Consciousness moves into dealing with forms in a dual reality, we make choices. Our lower minds (and therefore our dense feelings) are wired to do a compare and contrast, sequence and selection mode. That’s how we experience everything we perceive.

As we move through experience, we find ourselves forced to choose what we will do, feel, and think about those experiences. Each step of the way, through each challenge and each triumph, we make choices that lead either to a) higher awareness and contact with our Higher Self or b) into loss of the Eternal in the impermanent forms stimulating lower desires, feelings, and thoughts. Sometimes both!

All we experience is a function of time (the 4th dimension) as we move through our contacts with the outer world and all the relationships we encounter along the way (3rd dimension). Our consciousness grows through all experience, and as long as we’re in a human body, we’re going to learn how to be perfect through being perfectly Human. The goal is for our Eternal Love-Wisdom to be expressed through a perfectly integrated personality expressing our Higher Self.

This has important implications in our process of growth from the baby born within a family sociocultural unit with its belief systems into a fully autonomous Spiritual Being. And while we don’t have choice about who we chose for a family, by our choices here we become closer or more distant from each of them and the entire family “ghost” with its superstitions, taboos, and rigid assumptions.

We are Radiant Magnetic Eternal Beings. Our choices when we're here, what and who we say “yes” to and who we say “no” to, determine who we're going to be close to in the future, and who we move away from. This is definitely influenced by the choices others make as they interact with us and others. We are all finding those who share our heart in some way, or are on the same Ray Path as we are.

This is why becoming aware of our habits in action, feeling, and thought are so important. As habits are formed, for good or ill, we set up patterns of future activity. We move through these self-generated patterns until we change them. This must be done consciously so that we can develop the power of our free will.

By their habits human beings either move into their Higher Self, or get lost in unfortunate behaviors that will inevitably lead to regret once the curtain of ignorance is torn down. Knowing and mastering the desire mind is the key to understanding how to choose wisely. Desiring what is in our highest interest and turning away from being attached to lesser desires and others’ desires are all elements of the task.

Forgiving the Sources of Abuse

When people in a family abuse each other by whatever means, or when we are abused by one who we thought was our friend, it was the choice of the abuser to externalize that behavior. We did not “create” that reality. We found ourselves in the presence of someone else’s choosing to involve us in their desire to abuse someone. Those are times when we learn how to move on (however we can) and let go of the need to stay involved with the abuser.

Moving on always involves a degree of forgiveness and compassion, for our abuser but more importantly, for ourselves, for having been caught in an abusive experience. Hopefully it wakes us up and we’ll never have to do that again! We’ll learn what we needed to learn about that type of behavior pattern related to that type of personality, so that we can prevent being abused again.

So while I feel that we must come to true peace and forgiveness toward those who have abused us, it does not make it right that it happened to begin with, nor does it mean we should believe it taught us much of anything. We do not have to go to jail to know we don't need to be there. That’s why we don’t have to tolerate abuse in the name of anything.

As Soul-Spirits, we are here to learn what is venerable, what is worthy, what evokes our highest ideas and feelings and actions. We are here to BE Love, and learn to share Love with others. Abuse does not further these. While we may be learning to come to a measure of peace and forgiveness in our lives, we can learn these best through kind, loving, and beneficial interactions.

Family Karma is where we were shaped by forces beyond our control, because we were born into them. That shapes our personality patterns as children, but eventually we learn as we mature that some of those things must be questioned and rejected if it’s not in line with our Soul’s intention.

That’s why even if we are forced to go through abuse from family members when we’re children, our spiritual awareness knows we do not have to tolerate it even for a minute. And even as children, we must counter it however we can. That usually means breaking the “no talk” rule. We have to learn to “say no, run, and tell somebody.” All of this also applies to abusive situations when we’re adults.

An abusive family member or would-be “friend” is always choosing to abuse others. It was not dictated by karma that they should choose to abuse. Also, a major misunderstanding seems to involve the illusion that someone who is abused must have abused someone at another time or in another life. Nonsense!

Karma is not linear in the sense that an abused person must have abused others in previous times. Sometimes it’s just a situation where someone motivated by fear and strong desires has attracted another into their web of illusion. Even then, it’s not the “fault” of the potential victim unless they stay when they know they need to go.

Karma is created, perpetuated, or destroyed by our choices. An abuser is under no law to perpetuate abuse in any given moment. We are under no law to tolerate abuse in any way for any length of time. Forgiving our abuser has nothing to do with tolerating abuse.

That's why I believe true forgiveness can only arise once the abusive behavior stops. As long as the abuse continues, then what is there to forgive? At that point the lesson is not to allow kindness and compassion to be taken for weakness.

Some believe we must have people to forgive in order to learn it. I believe we can cultivate peace and forgiveness through forgiving all our own shortcomings, as well as those times when we go through our own or another’s inadvertent well-meant misguided behavior, more than through going through things that were not necessary to begin with.

We are here to learn how to forgive consciously those things we suffer as a result of karma. Many prior misdeeds and errors can be released through self-forgiveness. We were all ignorant before we became aware, and much can be forgiven because it seemed like a good idea at the time. It’s part of being human.

Lost in Darkness or Lost in Love?

All personalities must advance to craft a Higher Self so the Light, Love, and Intelligence of the Soul-Spirit can shine forth. Some beings choose to ignore the task, and stay lost in destructive behavior. Due to that divergence of spiritual “goal-fitness,” some beings that were a part of our Soul group early in life are no longer part of our Soul group once this time on Earth is done.

I don't believe a Soul has much work to do except love. That's eternal. It's not the Soul that "moves up." It's the personality. And that is entirely within our power, and the only game in town.

Those who willfully do not rise to the lessons of becoming better people than they were in the past are indulging in a destructive and toxic illusion. This is a form of "spiritual juvenile delinquency" in its worst form, since the being knows better, but refuses to grow.

So to say a being is not "at fault," for their bad behavior, or that they "can't help it," is also an illusion. (I realize there are exceptions for those with severe brain chemical imbalances, but that’s not what we are speaking of here.)

So I suppose we can say that except for some who are unable to function normally in our reality due to severe chemical or neural brain malfunctions, a being's choices are entirely up to them. Here the concept of “functional intention” is important. It's one thing when a being is ignorant, but willing to learn. Deliberately hurtful behavior is another things entirely.

When a being deliberately chooses to be hurtful instead of helpful, dishonest instead of honest, cowardly instead of courageous, irresolute instead of self-disciplined, and abusive rather than loving, they are on a path of self-loss in that which has no permanence. This is not necessary for anyone's Soul recognition, and contrary to their task of Soul-personality development.

If we are the recipient of abuse, it's not our fault they chose that behavior. But it is our task to recognize abuse and stop it whenever and wherever it rears its ugly head. Abuse is not helpful to our development, and withers the Soul-personality connection. Some human behaviors must be stopped forever if the race is to evolve into its higher potential.

To reiterate an important point. While we can find love and forgiveness toward those who have abused us, that's not to excuse the abuse, or say it was necessary to begin with. Perhaps a Gandhi arises from an abusive situation once in a great while, but again, how many Gandhis could arise if given better circumstances in which to unveil that potential?

Lessons To Learn As We Remember Who We Want To Dance With

I believe we need to come to a dispassionate view of those who have abused us so we can find genuine compassion for the common abuses done to others. I also believe we need to come to a radical detachment from negative judgments, the suffering over memories of suffering, as well as reject the illusion that we have somehow invited those who have abused us to do so in order to learn some supposed "spiritual" lesson.

Perhaps the only lesson is that abuse is not helpful for anything in any useful sense. We do not need abuse to learn discrimination that helps us come to know what is real and what is unreal, what is darkness and what is light, what is death and what is immortality.

All that said, the last World Teacher suffered abuse, both when He walked as well as the abuse done in His name in the centuries since His passing. Perhaps this indicates that dealing with abuse and abusers may have been part of our global lesson for many generations.

However, while we can come to much compassion through breaking the link between pain and suffering, even that is not the ultimate ideal, and it doesn't mean it's a part of the future teaching. There are certainly more "spiritual" ways to be than the past and present abusive patterns humanity has demonstrated up to now.

It's always good to view others as Soul-Beings learning what they're learning. It's always good to stop abuse, as well as forgive the abuse done to us, whether deliberately or inadvertently. And it's always good to be with others who love us, venerate what is venerable, with whom we can find joy, celebration, connectedness, and community.

That's our true Soul group. And each volunteers for that, every day, every year, every lifetime.

Copyright © 2010, 2014 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[maggie milliette]

Thank you Robert for this timely posting. Your insight and heart open to spirit are a beckon shining to us all. Much gratitude,
Maggie

[nicole]

thank you!

[Diane]

Robert,
Thanks so much for your articles on Who/What is Our Soul Group and forgiving abusive people. It brought a greater clarity for me on these subjects after reading the two articles. I especially like:
"I don't believe a Soul has much work to do except love. That's eternal. It's not the Soul that "moves up." It's the personality. And that is entirely within our power, and the only game in town.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom and insight!