What Is The Difference Between a Soul Mate, a Help Mate, and Your Twin Flame? Pt. 2

by Robert Wilkinson

Yesterday we took a new look at the three types of relationships in the title. Today we’ll continue the discussion with some questions and answers from the original comment stream, and go a little deeper into this Eternally important thing.

After seeing a lot of discussion on the internet involving hundreds of people, it’s clear there is a lot of confusion about what a Twin Flame actually is. As I offered you in part 1, there is only one Twin Flame. The Twin Flame is your "other half, the “Divine Other” we were "separated from" at the beginning of human individuation 3 million years ago.

Finding and recognizing the Twin Flame has nothing to do with our beliefs, expectations, passing experiences, or the images we have arising from the subconscious mind, or the desire mind. A lot of speculation about Twin Flames seems to involve glamor, illusion, and Maya working out through the unfulfilled desire minds of those who want to believe they're found "the One."

All people have desires arising from the astral (emotional) nature. These desires are learned from childhood, and are images residing in the subconscious mind. They are awakened by all kinds of things, some conscious, some not. If we are not aware of our subconscious desires, or what arouses them, then we are attracted to all kinds of relationships, some healthier than others.

We all dance in many kinds of relationships throughout life, and learn a lot from how we respond to each and every one. Who we attract is a combination of our projections as well as the desires that are unfulfilled deep within us. These projections and unfulfilled desires often bring us people who we believe are our “ideal mate,” or even a Soul mate or Twin Flame.

I don’t believe we can recognize the Twin Flame until we recognize who our friends are and aren’t, and healthy v unhealthy desires. There could never be anything “unhealthy” in our relationship with our Twin Flame, since we will naturally bring out the best in each other.

Romance Above, Romance Below

Some who are searching for their Twin Flame believe the Twin Flame has nothing to do with romance, or physical things, and is seldom if ever a romantic love partner. I’ll turn that around and ask why wouldn’t there be a romantic attraction between those who have been together yet separate since the beginning of humankind?

I believe "romantic" is in the eye of the beholder, and “romance” something that is cultivated as part of any courtship between Souls. In any relationship with someone we’re attracted to, of course there may be romantic elements, whether physical or more ethereal. That’s because in the eternal romance of the self with the Self, as we dance with others we learn many things about who our “beloved” actually is. And naturally, as we age and enter the season of the Grey Hair, the physical element in romance is less important than the courtship we maintain with the Beloved. Courtship at any age is very romantic!

Most romantic relationships get pretty intense when they begin. These sorts of intense relationships open us to experiencing a greater love than we knew before. They bring out deep feelings, strong attachments, and sincere hope that they will last. Most of these should be considered Soul mates, since they’re bringing us to a state of greater awareness and experience.

However, some Soul mates will break your heart so you can transmute your conditional love to a greater unconditional Love. If we can break up with someone, and one or both have no desire to resume the relationship, it’s a clear signal they are a Soul mate and not the Twin Flame. We would never break up with our Twin Flame once we found each other. It would be like splitting yourself in two, since your Twin Flame is the other part of your Soul-Spirit you’ve been searching for since the beginning of time.

The Soul Recognizes the Twin Flame

In the original comments a person asked if the Twin Flame is the same as “the same soul” concept, where there is a “rhythm of "attraction and repulsion" that lessens over time until they ultimately come together and stay together to integrate. I offered that this is probably a semantics issue, since "same Soul" would BE the "Twin Flame."

Here it’s good to remember that a Soul is inherently non-dual, since it exists beyond the Mental (Manasic) Plane. We split OurSelf at the beginning of time. There could be no split subsequent to that initial thing, as it would further fragment that which is eternal and seeking Oneness to no good purpose, because that purpose was fulfilled 3 million years ago.

We need no "time" to integrate with our Twin Flame, other than working through personality quirks. We couldn't not love them for all the tea in India! Again, it’s like finding your oldest best friend in the world. They naturally will accept who we are and the work we do, and we will do the same for them.

Can Our Twin Flame Be Seen in the Synastry Between Two Charts?

I was asked if I thought it is possible to look at natal charts of two people to find how they may be connected as Twin Flames, and what might be the chart aspects that would show if two people are each's “other half,” across space and time? The commenter felt like Twin Flames may come together in this lifetime or not, and he/she is the one person who comes without the emotional baggage and ego issues which most people bring with them into relationships.

They thought emotional baggage and ego issues which clash with our own are normally what causes relationships to become dysfunctional or end, and so it sounded like Twin Flames have already been through many life experiences or lives to adjust their karma, including both the Higher Self and lower self to reflect perfectly for their other half. That way when a person meets their Twin Flame they are instantly harmonious with each other, and able to give and receive in healthy ways.

I have found that we ALL have “ego issues” and some degree of “emotional baggage” as a result of living our lives. This comes with being human. Our Twin Flame is not the same as us, even if they’re our “other half.” On meeting our Twin Flame, we may or may not have to confront their past karma, or they confront ours, but we would always be mutually supportive and never undermining our Twin Flame’s ability to deal with their karma.

I'm sure that having also been in a body for 3 million years like us, they too would have plenty of emotional baggage and ego issues. But we hopefully could learn how to grow beyond our old limitations in a growing love, wisdom, and intelligence. I do believe that if we strive for the Highest, we will eventually see the manifestation of a form of the Beloved.

There will obviously be harmony between our chart and the chart of our Twin Flame, but that’s also true for Soul mates and help mates. I also have found that we’re here to help each other overcome our human deficiencies so we may become better Spirits in the material world. That’s why I don’t believe it’s useful to get hung up on whether someone is or isn’t our Twin Flame, and far better to become the best friend we can be to all who come into our lives.

So while it’s easy to see compatibility between charts, so far we don’t have case histories of actual Twin Flames to see what markers could be important. I would think strong Sun, Moon and/or Asc contacts would be prominent, as would Saturn and transpersonal planet contacts, but ultimately, I believe that finding and recognizing the Twin Flame is beyond synastry, since birth charts are conditioned by time, and the Twin Flame exists “out of time.”

Even our so-called karmic or “fated” relationships do not give us certainty that one of them is our Twin Flame. Since we were separated from them at the beginning of the human race, and since then we've had countless karmic encounters with those who are NOT our Twin Flame, we have generated countless types of karma to be worked through.

While one of these encounters could be with our Twin Flame, it doesn’t negate the other karmas to be worked through. That’s why we go through so many relationships that are not with the Twin Flame, and why we should not lament when we break up with someone who is not our Twin Flame. Better to bless them for opening our heart, and know that we are again free to find the Beloved. Once we find our Twin Flame, it is inconceivable that you could break up, since it would be like "breaking up" with your kidneys or liver. You cannot do it.

Having done many thousands of charts in my life, and seen thousands of couples' charts. I have only met a handful of couples I believe are TF, as it played out in their lives over many decades. After studying, researching, and seeing relationships in action for over 45 years, I do not believe it can be seen in the chart, as there don’t seem to be any consistent markers for establishing TF relationships.

I have seen many charts for "Soul mates," who it’s clear are in that relationship to bring a greater love to each other, and fulfill certain pre-existing karmas between them. They seem to help each other’s Souls come forth, through both pleasure and pain, offering each opportunities to transmute their conditional love to unconditional Love. But even these don't seem to have anything to do with whether two Beings are TF.

It may be that we cannot know who our TF is until we’re no longer in the body. That’s why I always focus on cultivating the friendship, since a sincere friendship will always open the door to ever-greater loving relationships. I believe that unless there is a friendship beyond the centuries that grows ever deeper and more loving by the year, then that person is not one's TF.

Attracting and Recognizing the Twin Flame

We have learned many things, both good and bad, in our countless incarnations. Getting clear helps us open to higher attractions. And those attractions should ideally spur us to grow in ways that are perfect for us and them to come together, or recognize that we are not suited for each other.

We can all find a husband/wife. The trick is to find someone who will be in harmony with and strengthen our Soul response for the rest of our days and beyond. That means getting beyond our sense of lack of fulfillment, or neediness, or learned desires that may have nothing to do with our Highest Self. And of course, we would bring that out in them as well.

One thing. There could never be any lasting friction between your belief system and the belief system of your Twin Flame. You will “pray at the same altar,” so to speak. You will value the Love you share more than any worldly thing.

Remember, the Twin Flame is our Divine complement. We and they will both be striving for inner fulfillment, and our Twin Flame will also want "liberation from Maya and complete memory of the Divine Light that I am," since even in our Wholeness we will want union with God. And of course, since God loves gratitude, appreciation of what we've been given and being given and will be given is always a very good thing.

Marriage is not necessarily a marker for a Twin Flame, since many who fall in love believe they've found their Twin Flame until the breakup! That’s the problem of living in bodies with feelings and a mind that are prone to a lack of clear understanding. It’s very human, and part of the task of learning how to get beyond personality traps and assumptions so you’re free to dance with the Twin Flame.

The tragedy of life is sometimes we find ourselves unable to take advantage of our best chances due to circumstances set into motion before then. But the blessing of life is that if we are determined to grow into our Highest Self, allowing nothing and no one to block our intention, eventually we'll find ourselves in a somewhat enlightened state and surrounded by loving, wise, intelligent friends and group workers.

From time to time we meet Soul Mates we never forget, who awaken us forever. One of them may or may not be our Twin Flame, but the all open paths to higher awareness through types of awakening which never ends! They always challenge us to a greater Love, whether through pleasurable or painful experiences, or both.

Again, I believe we may not fully realize that "the other" is our Divine Other until we find ourselves leaving the body, and recognize each other in Eternity. While we can meet and recognize them in some form while we’re here, our personality problems may obscure our ability to respond as we should.

And of course, from one angle, we are forever “reunited” with the Divine Other in Devachan, or “Heaven.” There are many traps, misunderstandings, and attachments in the physical that don't exist there.

What Happens If Circumstances Prevent A Relationship With Our TF?

Once you meet your Twin Flame, even if you are kept apart by outer circumstances, you’ll forever have love and affection for that person. Sometimes that can be painful if you’re already married, but even in that circumstance your Twin Flame would be a “friend for life” even if you never had contact after the initial interaction.

It would be difficult to meet one’s Twin Flame if one were single and the other married. It would make for very uncomfortable timing on expressing our hearts and all that. It would certainly seem that life is playing a trick on the both of you if one is available when the other is not.

Once you meet your Twin Flame, even if you have to part in this world, at some point in time you will again come together, on whatever plane. Because magnetic resonance works as it does, we would reincarnate together, find each other again, and probably live our entire lives in relatively fulfilled happiness in the company of the other. This is a coming together that, even though tested severely, could never come apart.

If one of the two Twin Flames is married, it can be difficult, but if the Other is truly THE Twin Flame, then love and friendship will prevail. Even when this life is done, we will reincarnate in the future so that one or both can fulfill karma, get free of unions that need severing, and find each other at some point. From then on, you will never be apart on Earth.

As long as we're here, we could be misunderstanding the signs and signals. But once we're on track, they're our best friends, even if one is married. There would never be anything slimy between the two of you. And if another doesn't feel some strong friendly affection, then they are not your TF. That would be impossible if you had finally found each other across space and time.

Our Divine Other is Us and Not Us

When we are in the presence of our Twin Flame, there is an instant recognition of "the other" that quickens everything in us. We may or may not finish each other’s sentences, but we may dream the same dream at the same time, or remember "other lives" at the same time. Because we are complements, we probably developed differently, in different areas of Self-realization.

Also, we may or may not be "at the same level" of spirituality, since we're speaking of complementary energies, not identical. That’s why if one is spiritually oriented and the other isn't, there could only be a time before the more evolved one would realize it wasn't working, while the less evolved would no doubt revert to ego limitations. But if both were willing, their love would absolutely move both closer, with the less evolved willing to rise to the occasion of a greater love than they had ever experienced before.

The Twin Flame will bring forth feelings on a different level than all the other lovers, spouses, and everyone else you've ever known. That’s why it’s important to become our highest, best Self. We want to be able to greet “the Beloved” in our most spiritual expression. The interesting thing is they will naturally bring that forth in us, and we’ll bring that forth in them, without manipulation or demands.

That’s why striving to be the best spiritual human we can be is paramount to attracting our Divine Other. That’s where we originally split, and that’s where we’ll come back together. The relationships that become more loving over time, encouraging our Soul-Spirit to express itself naturally and organically, are a good place to learn how to recognize the eternally loving relationships we’ve cultivated across time “in Heaven and on Earth.” One of these is our Twin Flame.

Since I originally wrote this, I incorporated all this and more in my book The Magic of Venus: Friendships, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames. It is the most comprehensive book on Venus ever written, and offers a multi-faceted view of why we attract the people we do, as well as how to re-shape our inner Venus to create more satisfying relationships in the future.

This work is an in-depth examination of the psychological dimension of Venus, the spiritual dimension of Venus, and the astrological dimension of Venus. It offers practical techniques for changing your image of what you want to attract your heart’s desire, and how to make your relationships more fulfilling because you are living a Soul-ful life. You’ll find out about why you like or don’t like people and things, why you’ve attracted who you have in the past and present, and how to make those attractions more aligned with your Soul purpose in the future. A major theme weaving the various dimensions together is understanding why Soul Mates come into our lives, and how to know the difference between a Soul Mate and our Twin Flame.

It has chapters on the qualities of each sign’s natural mate, the qualities of Venus in each sign, Venus retrograde, and when crucial choices and changes are made, affecting who we attract in the future. It was written for both astrologers and lay people, and as it has a thousand gems for better relationships, with self, others, and Source, please consider getting your copy by going to the link above! (And when you’re done, please leave a review on Amazon, since it helps the book and all other books on astrology as well!)

© Copyright 2018 Robert Wilkinson

Comments

[Vera]

The beauty of TF is that-after the first embodied encounter- until the frequencies of the two are aligned, the "relationship" can exist in the astral plane - this is my experience which I have learned to allow and trust.

[Nic]

Beautiful, moving, thought provoking posts. Thank you for them and for what they are shifting and moving in me. Great all this knowledge/wisdom will be in a book form. I'll be waiting for it.

There is an issue you touched only indirectly; what happens if someone has indeed met its TF but death "parts them" in a specific incarnation? No need to answer if it is long and complex, but am issue worth thinking about to learn more about Life, one self and "others".

Thank you and blessings be to everyone.